Like many women, I've been dissecting relationships for what seems like forever. I've interviewed relationship gurus aplenty, attended slews of workshops and have read nearly everything available (or so it seems) on the subject. And just as I was kinda, sorta feeling like I might have a handle on this thing called love, I met Albert Clayton Gaulden (pronounced "Golden").
Gaulden is an astrologer (full disclosure: in the past he's written horoscopes for YourTango) and the author of Signs and Wonders: Understanding the Language of God and Clearing for the Millenium. He has been on Oprah and wrote the just-released book, You're Not Who You Think You Are: A Breakthrough Guide to Discovering the Authentic You. I talked to Golden about metrosexuals, owning your masculine side and why relationships don't work.
Why don't relationships work?
You can't have a relationship with someone else until you have one with yourself, and you can't have a relationship with yourself because you don't know who you are. People need to embrace their "shadow selves." Men and women must discover their shadows, or anima, as Carl Jung called them, and let the shadows be an integral part of their lives.
What about women who want to do things that are traditionally thought of as "male" activities? I can carry my own groceries, make my own money and I have a friend who conceived her daughter in vitro.
That's all good and fine, but don't deny the woman you were born to be either. The integration of one's shadow is about getting balance in your life—having a relationship with yourself first before you venture out into the dating game. And, by the way, don't expect society to tell you what I am saying is okay. Terms like metrosexual and tomboy keep people stuck in their discomfort with these issues.
I've always wondered if I should date or run away from metrosexuals.
Metrosexual is just a cover up; all men need to be in touch with their feminine side. A man's Pink shirt doesn't make him unmanly, just like pumping iron doesn't make him more of a man. Masculinity comes from understanding both sides—the combination of the man he is, fused with his feminine shadow. Likewise, the only way a woman can be a real woman is to balance the two sides—to become integrated with her malenness.
Is this the Ying/Yang dynamic the Chinese speak about?
Yes, it is.