You know the economy is in big time trouble when truckers are cutting corners on "fantasy room" specials in Nevada brothels.
We hope Obama's economic team is serious about cleaning up this mess or it could spell the end of the road for classy establishments like Donna's Ranch, the Shady Lady, and The Mustang Ranch, all three of which (and 22 other Nevada brothels) have reported staggering revenue declines since the fall of Wall Street this summer.
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The working gals at these rub-one-off Nevada brothels used to roll in the dough Gordon Gekko style. Amy, a 58-year-old (!!!!!) veteran, once bought a $32,000 Toyota Tacoma in cash. Now she gripes about her $1,200 mortgage bills.
Donna's Ranch owner, Geoff Arnold, estimates a $200,000 cash loss this year. He attributes this to sky rocketing food and gas costs, which gives horny, bored truck drivers less "play money."
So what now? They'll have to settle for the Dairy Queen waitress's cleavage? Or jerk off magazines if they're feeling fancy?
In a blossoming economy, Arnold says a brothel is one of the most profit-happy businesses in the market. The only other business he places on the same cash cow pedestal? Doctor's offices. Hm.
Which is why it's eyebrow raising when the oldest and most lucrative profession starts to offer freebies. One expects such things from hole in the wall restaurants and Payless shoes, but you've reached dire straits when the Shady Lady hands out $50 gas cards to patrons who spend $300 or more. The Moonlite Bunny was even brazen enough to throw in bonus sexual favors if you pay with your economic stimulus check.
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While a fix may not happen until the markets improve, perhaps the, uh, talent scouts can take this time out to assess their lady choices. After all, if 10-15 minutes costs upwards of $100, wouldn't it behoove the owners to hire women who don't qualify for a senior citizen's discount?