Guitar Hero/Vagina Champion

Last night Love Buzz was perusing Craigslist personals (and reading about new laws regarding CL prostitution). Not seeing anyone ISO a blogger obsessed with relationships and the internet we turned our attention to other interesting posts. Below are a few favorites, and, as YourTango has perfected the art of translating online dating profiles, our interpretations.

Post: Guitar Hero/Vagina Champion (warning: actual post contains a potentially NSFW image, although no nudity)

-Front man in progressive nu metal band Byarg Sarlock and the Sarlocks
-Broad shouldered, wide ankled, tight anused, supple breasted, man god
-Likes to settle misunderstandings with the power of pure logic/large handgun collection
-Cried during Metallica’s Some Kind of Monster. Jacked off during Monsters INC.
-Peter Piper Picked a Pack of Papapipp….f*ck!
-Hard working blue collar American brimming with patriotism/hemorrhoids
-Coined the phrase, "You’ve got mail....genitalia."
-Started nonprofit organization "Tears for Fears"
-Briefly served in military, was discharged for discharging in men
-Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey > Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure > Diet & Exercise
-Gentle meat hooks looking to stroke tender meat curtains
-Has tongue like a race horse, er no, ass like a camel, regrets some things
-Can get enough of your love babe
-Writes Haikus sometimes, Not enough fiber inside, Bowels never move
-Can speak Italian, dream in French, fuck under covers with lights off
-Tri-athlete/Muckraker
-Puts the "ape" in statutory rape

Translation: I'm a bisexual music geek who is stuck in the 80s but born in the 70s, a little lonely, a lot clever, hoping someone will recognize my brilliance, accept my occasional asshole-ishness and love me for my mind while providing some lovin' for my body.