We're not sure if this is really news or whatever but did you hear that Simon Cowell and some woman were dating. But then they decided to stop dating. Was it his abrasive personality and latter-day Pete Rose haircut? No one knows for sure, man. According to Fox News, the old curmudgeon was dumped by Terri Seymour over-the-phone.
For some reason, the over-the-phone detail was really a punchline in this breakup. As if a phone breakup isn't perfectly valid (provided they were in different cities, states, or time zones). We understand that text messages, letters, emails, nasty-grams, sky-writing and post-it notes are not permitted in breakups, but does it have to be in person? Interestingly, the phoner actually took place many weeks ago.
Whatever. According to Just Jared, before Cowell and Terri Seymour called it quits, he gave her roughly $10 million in cash and property right before the breakup. Per his rep, the American Idol meanie thinks Terri Seymour is awesome and appreciates the rationale behind the breakup. Cowell recently was quoted with this compliment fisher, "I don't want to marry anyone, because whoever marries me will end up hating me." Sounds reasonable. We mean, no Simon, you're the best, any girl would be soooo lucky to have you, silly. We're not implying anything, per se, but in what world does someone drop $10 million on another person and not feel a little sting? We find this report dubious.
And finally, according to Female First, Simon Cowell is officially off women. OK. We mean, no Simon no. There are plenty of fish in the sea, buddy. Some woman is going to make you soooo happy. We've only watched American Idol grudgingly, but isn't 1 of the show's on-going bits about Cowell constantly questioning Ryan Seacrest's sexuality in a roundabout way? Uh, what does it say when you quit women? We're trying unbelievably hard not to make a 40 Year Old Virgin "know how I know you're gay" joke. Instead, we choose to just end the post.