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| Long distance relationships |
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It hard being a long distance relationship no matter how often you talk to you SO. With the distances takes alot of trust and faith. Because there is alway doubt and tempation on both sides. Stay strong and have cofidence. |
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I totally agree with lil_jake. She had some great ideas, and my boyfriend and i do all of these. I am in a LDR with my boyfriend, who is currently in Russia. We only see each other in the summer for about 3 months, and talk on skype the rest of the year. But we talk and share more than most couples i know. The best thing about a LDR is communication --- you are forced to talk to the person, so learn more about them. I learned more about my boyfriend in 2 months, than i learned about my ex in 2 years! LDRs also teach you alot about yourself. I never thought i could date someone living 7,000 miles away from me, but we make it work. We long to be with each other in person, but are thankful for webcams and reliable internet connections! Watching a movie together online (especially using a webcam so you can see each others' reactions) is fantastic! Even with a slight language barrier with my boyfriend (he speaks English as a second language naturally), we love to watch movies together. One night, we just browsed a website and sent each other links to funny articles and pictures. We spent about 2 hours doing that, and afterward he said how much he enjoyed it. He said that it felt like i was there with him, sharing a quiet evening in -- and his face was glowing. Send presents! Also, spray the contents with your perfume. My boyfriend and send gifts to each other and always do this. You feel a little bit closer when you can see him/her and smell him/her. He scent was one of the things i desperately missed when he left. I forget who said it, but send naughty photos! The man loves it, and so does the woman! Also talk dirty with him -- it makes the anticipation for your reunion that much stronger and sweeter. If you're like me and can't talk with him on the phone, send him random texts or emails. Because my boyfriend and i are also in different time-zones, we love to send each other messages while the other is sleeping, so we'll have something to wake up to. Two big things needed are TRUST and HONESTY. I can tell if my boyfriend is hiding something immediately, and he can tell with me. We tell each other EVERYTHING, no matter how seemingly inconsequential. I can't say enough how important communication is. Trust the girl with the international relationship haha. If you're lucky enough to live in the same country, or even the same state, meet as often as possible! Take advantage of your locale. I would do anything for even one hour with my man. Good luck and know that there are others out there like you! |
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I had LDR relationship for 4 months,i met the guy in the internet..anyways what u wrote in here is totally true! we did all those kinds of stuff and i can't help responding to you and makes me feel better..we had time difference too,we talked online for so many hours and i always feel bad for him bec he always stays up all night talking with me,then goes to work without any sleep and he told me not to worry he change his lifestyles by sleeping during the day afer work,we txt like sweet messages,naughty,fights and i love him eventhough i never met him in person,we we're planning to met soon but sadly relationship ends. |
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hi maura! Its ok to have a long distance relationship as long as you have a trust for each other constant communication like call, email and chatting. Love conquer all no matter how far you are to him. |
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I was in the LDR for about a year with my ex-bf, and we've would've been together for four years if he hadnt given up =/. It was a little different becuase his school was in Europe and I lived in the states. At first the connection to and will to stay together is strong, MSN webcam, calling cards, international texting, whatever worked that had communication. But since it was unexpected and he didnt know he was gonna be there for four years, I think he didnt really anticipate how much of struggle and hard work it is when you miss someone very terriblely. It IS hard work, and not easy. So he winded up breaking up with me and started seeing another girl, he was so miserable back there that he winded up being lonely and more then likely started dating her to make himself feel better, thing is he's still miserable. And him saying 'screw this, im going back home to my girl would ruin things with his family (BIG ISSUES, but I won't get into that..). So he winded up dating someone for company, but still wanted to keep me, he couldnt exactly keep both and I walked away..But what I've learned is that if you know the person you love very well, then you should also think about where there heart is at..a man can date a 50 girls, but if his heart is still with one girl, then it is. No matter how long it takes for them to realize you can't use people for there own selfish reasons, one day either they may or may no come back to you, it depends where the heart is at. But either way, a person has to live there life and learn to be happy, wallowing and wondering if your bf is doing somthing is not healthy, it takes TWO TO TANGO, and if one walks away after so many months of waiting, then screw them, there loss, and its not like you gained nothing in the end, but the lessons to be learned, so that you can offer your own experiance and adivice to someone who's going threw the same situation. But life throws so many curve balls at you, you and ur bf may be meant to be, but it may not be the 'right time', but the thing is to always listen to your heart, it never fails you. And in the end when you find yourself single, happy and loving yourself without the comfort of ANY man, then you've become more stronger then before. So yes, LDR can work, but its HARD WORK, and two people have to mutually agree to it, but the key thing is to be happy with yourself, there are obstacles, but if its meant to be, then its meant to be, not matter what happens. |
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Here are a couple of tips/ideas for LDR's (having been in a couple VERY serious ones myself...): *Make time for the relationship. Being in a long distance relationship is the same amount of work as being in a regular relationship -- it shouldn't be significantly more or less. It's neither an excuse to be lazy or an excuse to obsess. Ways to make time include, adjusting your schedule so you can communicate (reasonably!!), and maybe coming up with a hobby or a TV show to do/watch, so the two of you can feel more connected. *Know when you're going to see him/her next. Because indefinite waiting just sucks. *Share travel costs, but be reasonable/adjust for circumstances. Example: My boyfriend lives in SF and I live in NYC. But he's a workaholic and I'm a chillin' college student with classes a few days a week. Needless to say, I'm in SF more than he is in NYC (although he is in NYC a lot.) *Try watching a movie together (I know, everyone always puts this out there) -- each of you rent the same movie and then watch it at the same time whilst chatting/webcamming/talking on the phone with each other. *Send each other stuff. Not big/expensive stuff, just little things that remind you of him/her. Letters you write in class (I do this.) T-shirts you've cut up to fit her (he does this.) A book from the used bookstore with notes in between the pages, flowers via the internet, postcards from your city, whatever. Everyone likes mail. But do not send that weird stuff off of Proflowers, like love tokens and whatnot. No man needs a bag of lovetokens. And neither do you. *Have your own life. Again, that balance. There is no excuse for you to be moping around and obsessing about them. Besides, what will you have to talk about if you don't do anything exciting? *Curb your jealousy. If you're always worried that he/she's out picking up girls/guys, then you probably shouldn't be dating them exclusively. If you're not dating them exclusively, carry on! *Never show up unexpectedly. Look, surprises are fantastic and all, but if you show up at your lover's doorstep, five-thousand miles from your doorstep, it's not cool -- it's creepy. If they're not creeped out by it, they might just be busy or have other things going on in their lives that can't be put aside, and a plane ticket is too expensive if they can't devote a lot of their time to you. Seriously, call first. I had a boyfriend appear on me, and it was just...unnecessary, a little creepy, and not okay. *DEFINITELY HAVE AN END DATE IN MIND. Because OPEN ENDED WAITING SUCKS. I am so serious about this. Being far away sucks, and will only put serious eventual stress on your relationship (if it isn't already), so if you're not planning on moving closer...perhaps you should re-think this relationship. In other news, a couple hours' drive, I do not count as an LDR, so this doesn't necessarily need an end date. My significant LDR's have been: now (him-SF/me-NYC), a year ago (him-Patagonia/me-NYC), and a few years ago (him-Ann Arbor/me-Tokyo). Yes, my relationships have a tendency to span continents. |
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Don't know if you still need encouragement, but I just joined the site. I had a long-distance relationship that didn't work and one I'm in now. What I've learned is there are many components needed. Above all mutual love, trust, and respect. As long as there is open and honest communication with these three aspects you can do no wrong. |
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hi maura , i have been dating a guy for 3 months and i really cherish the time that is spent together . hell drive from far away and i will to see each other and when we do i will either make a homemade meal for him or he will do the same for me. sometimes we will cook together. the most important thing is to stay connected either by phone if you have the same plan like verizon unlimted time for 99.00$ i dont know if you can afford that its out of state that is included and also your other call too.we talk to each other every night or text each other too. really listen to what he says .send a card to him i found that he likes that to tell him that you are thinking about him and u can even do it on line just type in cards and ull find that they are free so send it to his e-mail. talk about the coursr of the day to each other how hes feeling how your feeling just be there for each other . i dont see my guy every single weekend but its super when i do . i hope this advice helps ya. good luck |
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debbie, those are some really great practical tips for staying connected. when my bf (now dh) and I were in a long distance relationship I sent him an email or a note every day, it wasn't usually long, just to let him know he was in my thoughts. |
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I read an article here at Tango (!) that had some great advice: share the littlest parts of your day so that you still feel connected. Things like what you had for lunch and just general jibber jabber. We only see each other every 6-8 weeks, and phone calls and webcam and email and texting in combination have worked ok. What gets hard is when the other person doesn't live up to whatever your expectations become. For instance, if you send an email and expect him to reply right away or respond with an equally long reply. Also, fights tend to start when one person is missing the other one. That gets very out of sync. You're not going to miss each other equally. |
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That is a great response. Thanks! |
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Is this the article you mean't? |
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Fyne@sWine Some people can handle long distance relationships and some can't but to each it's own. I've tried it be4, but my ex ended up cheating on me, started calling me out of my name,and he also let a lady answer the phone one day and told me she was pregnant by him. It hurted me so bad because we had been 2gether for about 2 years after that I took him back when he came back he stayed in town for a couple of days and he left again after he promised me that he would not leave again. He ended up cheating again. |
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I tried to do a LDR before my wife and it didn't work at all. I didn't know how to respond to her without being there. Plus, naughty pictures are nice but the real thing is better. I think people use LDRs as a "safe" way to day. |
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I love the naughty pictures. It keeps him thinking about you all the time. |
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I don't know. I just don't think it works unless you are there, spending time together, seeing eachother's moods and expressions. |
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schedule regular times to talk |
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Instant messenger and naughty pictures. |
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My friends who've done it successfully have had consistent visits planned, so that when they said goodbye again it was "see you in a month." |
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i think a long distance relationship is the best kind to be in, although i admit that its hard work. it lets you live your life but then carve out special time to connect with someone you love. it can be so much more intense than a "i guess we're seeing each other tonight because we live next door to each" kind of relationship. just remember that technology is your friend. get a mac - it has the camera installed in it so you can just have webchats. email too. they're cheaper than running up your phone bill, especially if it's an international relationship. thank god for skype, right? |
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My ex-SO and I did AOL chat almost every night and at work. It seemed like we were always in the middle of a convo, but when we we were in the same city we didn't put nearly as much effort into it and it fell apart. |
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my long distance relationship took so much effort in the end it was just too much. |
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that's really interesting. i wonder how often that happens. |
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I IM and text my boyfriend, and for awhile we video chatted, but lately we've talked on the phone instead. I go home almost every week, which makes it less long distance, but there have been longer periods of time that we've been apart, and even though its sucked, I've gotten used to it. |
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I like the video cam. The dell Acer has one built in too and it is cheaper than an imac. |
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The gas is killer though isn't it? |
How do you make your long-distance relationship work? I need some encouragement...!