Grandpa Loves Porn

By YourTango

Grandpa Loves Porn
A woman discovers her grandfather's secret love of pornography.

In 1963, after 15 years of marriage, my grandparents divorced. Grandpa never remarried, and according to my mother, he only went on three dates after the split, choosing to dedicate his life to his career at General Motors instead of searching for a companion. My mom and aunt both believe he never fell out of love with my grandmother, a reasonable hypothesis, as his face lights up when he tells the story of how they met and her supreme beauty. His brows furrow when he speaks of their breakup and without fail, his voice raises—not so much in anger, but with a cavernous pain. "After all I did for her," he declares time and time again.

When he suffered a stroke at age 55, 17 years after his divorce, grandpa was forced into an early retirement, which meant his days were primarily spent at home, watching Julia Child and Judge Wapner. He was thrilled with the advent of the Food Network and the History Channel, programming dedicated to his two absolute favorite subjects. I suppose pay-per-view pornography was a natural progression for him. His life of relative solitude was infiltrated by figures on TV, whether they cooked, handed down judgments, recounted the past or had sex.

Living with unrequited love for over 40 years must take a mammoth toll on one's psyche and physical self. If porno provided him pleasure, of any type, I understood and couldn't be upset, arriving at this final conclusion after several minutes of disparate feelings, ranging from repulsion to embarrassment to sorrow.

It wasn’t the porn that repulsed me, but rather the mental picture I’d created. Exactly what was he doing while watching? I felt bad I’d invaded grandpa’s privacy and embarrassed as I realized his predilection for asses. My heart ached for him as I realized the deepness of his loneliness.

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