Grandpa Loves Porn

By YourTango

Grandpa Loves Porn
A woman discovers her grandfather's secret love of pornography.

That day the basket contained a spare set of keys to the 2001 Cadillac DTS Sedan he rarely drives, a beat-up but empty Ziploc bag and the latest edition of a Consumer Reports ShopSmart book, specific page marked with a cable bill from January. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed the cable bill was for $1205. I was confused—how on earth could a one-month bill be over a thousand dollars? The daughter of a retired Nassau County detective, I decided to investigate. Little did I know I was moments away from finding out my cinnamon pastries weren't the only type of buns he hungered after.

"Hey, grandpa," I said sweetly, praying he'd take my bait so I could examine the bill. "May I see the book? I want to see the rating of my car." He reached into his basket and pulled out the book. I walked to the edge of the driveway while Tom showed grandpa our digital camera and explained how it works. "A mega what?" I heard grandpa ask.

I removed the cable bill from the Consumers Reports book. My eyes scanned the charges and were greeted with pay-per-view movie titles, but not films I'd ever heard of, let alone ever seen: Big Black Butts and The Adventures of the Booty Broz #4 are a couple of the more memorable titles.

I was 12 when I first viewed porn—there was a glitch on a friend’s satellite dish and I was completely entranced by the gyrating figures on the TV. Six years later came my major porn experience when I worked in a video store with an entire room divided to X-rated movies. I used my easy access to skin flicks as a learning experience, watching straight-sex videos, movies with cheesy story lines, and even Pam and Tommy Lee's famous creation. For me, porn is like a shot of tequila. It's fun, exciting and at times euphoric, but too many shots and you regret it the next morning.

I didn't know if I should laugh or vomit as I realized grandpa, the man who let me stay up late, eating "ippy" (our nickname for ice cream) out of the container, was into hardcore pornography. As for the $1205, thankfully he didn't blow a grand on adult movies in one month; it was a credit. Grandpa had pre-paid his bill for a portion of the year. I breathed a sigh of relief that his pension isn't supporting the entire adult film industry but I couldn't help but feel an immense sadness as I grasped just what a lonely life my grandfather has been leading.

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