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Meet the "Sworn Virgins"

These Albanian "sworn virgins" lived like men—but with their hymens intact.

If you're like me, sometimes you fret about what Europeans must think of us Americans and our schizophrenic sex lives.  Despite our Britneys and our Pamelas, it's no secret we're quite Puritanical.  I worry some dashing Italian man or sexy Frenchwoman is watching a TV program (lounging in fabulous lingerie, I'm sure) about virginity pledges and purity balls and shaking their head at our country, which prizes purity so much we have industries built around it.

But an article on the BBC this weekend relaxed me a little bit about Europe: meet Albania's "sworn virgins."  These poor, rural Albanian matrons chose decades ago (almost a century ago, in some cases) to live as virgins in order to be the "head of the household," often in the absence of male heirs.  In their patriarchal society with strict gender roles, instead of marrying and becoming wives and mothers, these women had the option to act as fathers to their sisters and take care of the "man's business."

An 88-year-old "sworn virgin" told the BBC that even though she doesn't wear her hair or enjoy dresses, life as the "male head of household" brings with it benefits plenty of other women across the world take for granted:

"People respect me, and shake my hand, as they would with a man; but when they hear my voice and see my face they know I'm a woman," Qamile says.

"And they still say to me, 'how you've been' - just as they would say to a man!" she adds with a broad smile...

Qamile says, as the self-proclaimed "man" in her family, she enjoyed privileges beyond the reach of other women.

She earned the right to carry a rifle, as well as the duty to defend family honour; she could work and smoke with the other men in the village and even pray with the men at the local mosque."

It's inspiring, of course, to see these women capably do everything their male counterparts can do and be considered "village elders."  But to learn that men are so respected in this patriarchal society is discouraging to hear about in 2008 -- especially since the price she pays for it is to never experience any sexual activity whatsoever.  Virginity becomes a bartering chip and it's one that women seem practically forced to give up: though some women assumed the "male head of household" role after their fathers died, others chose the life to escape unwanted marriages, the BBC said.  Refusing a suitor could bring revenge upon the family, so some women became "sworn virgins" -- living life as a man -- to avoid causing the rebuffed-suitor shame.  

Can you relate?

Discussion

Posted October 30, 2008

i commend these women! Sex complicates things and creates problems. Look at all the problems we have, teenage pregnancys, std's in youth, one of the biggest aids academics worldwide we have ever seen. I mean, when you think about it these women are not really sacrificing anything. they have no worries. they have taken this vow and they are able to live productive lives. I think it's great.

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greenolive Engaged
Posted October 30, 2008

It's easy to criticize when we're not living within that culture. Do you really think they're missing out on that much? For what they get in return? Sounds like respect is more important to these women, so they made a decision. I don't think it's so bad.

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Tom Single
Posted October 29, 2008

This sort of has an Elizabeth I feel. Elizabeth was a great movie and explains why she became The Virgin Queen. Elizabeth: The Golden Age though is not really worth your time. Great lady, bummer about the sex though.

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nycgoofygal Single
Posted October 28, 2008

lookee here, i'm a sworn virgin without even knowing they exist! ok, so my hymen isn't intact anymore, but it might as well be--can you grow back your hymen if you haven't had sex in two years? but to get back on topic, kids are a pain in the ass! i'd rather be a kooky aunt than have to wipe up snot all the time. but i'd also rather have sex, so shows how much agency i have...

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Kataroo Single Glass half full girl.
Posted October 27, 2008

Its so sad that women have to sacrifice their sexuality in order to be treated with respect.

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