How Marriage Got Me Out Of Debt
Putting "we" in front of "me" helped one wife overcome her secret spending habit.
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And while the money I've been spending lately has been mostly on groceries, gas for the car, and a number of other humdrum life requirements, I do indulge every once in awhile.
The first time I paid cash for a new article of clothing—an adorable gray skirt with pockets from J. Crew—I felt a huge thrill: I was proud of myself. I felt on top of my finances, and I knew that, with each carefully considered purchase I made, I had plenty of money to spare. For someone who had felt guilt and fear due to her finances for the past eight years, feeling this good about money was huge.
These days, before I make any purchase, I make sure to ask myself the following four questions (and you should, too):
1. Is this item necessary?
2. If it's not necessary, is it way awesome and/or does it make me feel fabulous?
3. Does it yield a positive response when the following equation is considered?: Cost of item ÷ how many times I'll use it = so-worth-it. If the result is small...
4. Is buying this item worth putting off our goals as a couple? (Lord, I want that house.)
When it comes to the big stuff, Michael and I want the same things. Remembering this makes it so much easier to stay debt-free.
And it doesn't hurt that relinquishing my spending power helped me gain more power over my finances in the end.
Discussion
Her spending habits were out of control BEFORE she met her husband. Their shared goals were not materializing because of her spending. She wanted to do her part to achieve those goals, as he was doing. She kept her eye on the end result and shed the habit. Good for her!
Setting common goals is the important....buying what you want is fine....buying yourself into unsurmountable debt is another!!! Especially when it's debt that links you to your mate financially...does misery really love company!! This was not the first time she did this an obviously had a problem. Taking control is what she needed to do...because in the end.....her goals was to be financially stable, secure, an comfortable in knowing that she has not only the buying power but the sense to keep her eye on the financial prize....knowing that at the end of the day...being broke gets you NO WHERE!!!!
I also disagree. It is a responsibility to be honest with each in all aspects of a relationship including household finances. She was jeopardizing their future by putting them more and more in debt. When you are married your debt is your spouses debt especially for big purchase items. If she had kept it hidden and they tried to buy a house, their debt ratio may have stopped them from getting the loan they needed for the house. Sharing things with your SO is not giving them power over you or loosing yourself. Its about having someone there to enjoy the good times and the bad times, its about compromise and doing whats good for both of you, not just what you want to do.
I disagree completely. They own a condo together and are married, so their financial future in inextricably linked. She can't just buy whatever she wants. She has responsibilities - and she recognizes that and is taking steps to save herself, and probably also her marriage in turn. Most marriages that fail do so because of money. So, yeah, it's his business.
And you go girl for getting your financial act together!
