Paris Hilton, Virgin Slayer

Nicole Ritchie just had a baby, so Paris Hilton needs a new friend she can ring up to bail her out during her next DUI. Jezebel's got a clip from Hilton's new reality show, My New BFF (I'm proud to admit I didn't know there was such a thing!) in which the heiress plays a little getting-to-know you game of "I Never." You remember it from 9th grade sleepovers? "I never kissed a boy," "I never gave a blowjob," "I've never had sex"... Wouldn't you know, the producers found themselves a virgin (or an actress) for Miss Sex Tape Star.

After Paris coos "Being a virgin just means you're, not, like a slut," I want to airlift this poor girl out of that snake pit. Good luck to you, sweetie!