"What does the Tango have to do with love and relationships?" you may ask. Only everything. Literally, everything. According to the Associated Press, the world Tango final took place in Buenos Aires, Argentina over the weekend. And, you guessed it, the Argentines did pretty-y good. They invented the dance, so you would think that they would be good at it. But, like basketball and the USA, the rest of the world is getting way more competitive.

The stage Tango event was won by Melody Celatti and Jose Fernandez. The pair has been training nonstop for 4 months. The salon Tango event was taken by . Each pair hails from Argentina and earned $4,100 for their dominance or about $4,100 more than the non-celebrity contestants on Dancing With The Stars. No word on whether any of the contestants are dating but you can only imagine that that sort of sexual energy would be difficult to fully fake, right? Maybe Karina Smirnoff is just that incredible of a performer.

This lack of American competitiveness in the mad hot world of sexy ballroom dancing will not stand. It's no longer enough for America to be the class of the world in The Jitterbug and Krumping. We need the government to allocate funds not unlike what the Chinese did to prepare themselves for the Olympics. Kids will be picked for their litheness, grace, savoir faire, and bold facial features. Sure, they'll sacrifice all the things that go into being a kid, but omelettes and eggs.