"I'm a female college student and a feminist. I expect equal pay, equal treatment, and fairness when it comes to chores at home. But I have fantasies of domestic discipline. Some days, I'd like to rush home and clean the apartment and make dinner for my boyfriend wearing only an apron. Then I'd appreciate it if he'd find some excuse--something I did wrong--to spank me until I cry before having wild sex with me."
Girlfriend harbors some serious 1950s housewife "Betty Crocker" fantasies, but realizes she doesn't want her relationship to be all Betty Crocker, all the time. The cooking/cleaning/apron-wearing/spanking is a heightened form of foreplay for her, but it looks so much like reality (rather, some people's reality) that she's fearful her guy is going to blend the fantasy into real life. And thus she asks Dan Savage:
How can you be taken seriously as an equal when you tell your boyfriend that you'd like him to dominate you outside the bedroom (the cooking and cleaning aspect) on occasion?
That's the big question when it comes to sex, and especially when you and your partner fiddle with submission and dominance. Trying to make sense of is it okay to like what I like or does it conflict with my belief system? is exhausting. It's a damn good thing I'm not a sex columnist: I would have gone all "gender studies major" on her and droned on unhelpfully about the submission/dominance dynamic, boundaries, respect and power. But Savage's advice is simple, and more importantly clear:
Get a necklace or a bracelet that you wear only when you want the boyfriend to take charge... When you're wearing it, of course, you're Betty Crocker (whoever she is), and the boyfriend has your consent to order you about, spank your ass, and fuck you senseless. When it's off, you're equals. Easy!
Good one, Dan Savage!
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