If you've ever cheated on a partner, you know the double helix of guilt and exhilaration infidelity produces. In today's Times Online, Dr. Pam Spurr explains that the only way to heal a relationship after cheating is to communicate effectively with your parter.
"It's staggering how powerful illicit passion can be in convincing a person that their behavior is acceptable," says Spurr. Your guilty conscience will give you all the rationalization you need. In fact, some people convince themselves they have a right to an affair. "If you keep telling yourself that you've been taken for granted, or your partner doesn't love you any more, you begin to believe your own PR," Spurr says.
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But if you've decided your affair is wrong, you may want to tell your partner. Below are Spurr's tips for coming clean after stepping out on a loved one.
1. Make sure you have ample time to talk. You don't want to be interrupted in the middle of this important conversation.
2. Think about what you're going to say before you say it. Choose your words carefully so your partner understands exactly what you're saying.
3. Show remorse and determination to correct your mistakes. Your partner must understand that you're genuinely sorry and that you want to heal the relationship.
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Of course, not everyone thinks telling your lover about your infidelity is a good idea. Sure, it alleviates your guilt, but is that what the relationship needs?
What do you think?