"Indulge me, if you will, in a little rhyme about the female anatomy:
Some hymens are visible,
Other hymens not.
Some hymens are stretchy,
Other hymens taut.
Some hymens are missing,
Other hymens intact.
My advice to you is . . .
Work on your trust issues, you control-freak imbecile! Stop obsessing over your girlfriend's sexual past!"
Basically we think she's awesome and smart and silly and we're suckers for advice columns, especially ones written by savvy females.
Who are your favorite advice gurus?