Joyzus, we totally didn't buy into the a breakup betwixt John Mayer and Jennifer Aniston this morning but since everyone (yep, e'rbody) is reporting that it went down, it must be true. So, we decided to take the most unsensational account of the event and ride on that 1. Surprisingly, The Superficial had a pretty level-headed take on this thing. Those blokes say that John Mayer and Jennifer Aniston are taking a break because she's craving babies (not as a meal) and he's all, "hey, I'm only like 24, slow down, babe, we got plenty of time. So let's crank up some easy to listen to acoustic-jazz-pop-folk-contemporary music and chillax, sweet cheeks."
Fine, John Mayer doesn't talk anything like that. But he does seem, and not in a bad way, younger than his biological age of almost 31. Jennifer Aniston also doesn't wear her skin like it's damn near 40. But we suppose when the biological clock sounds like a car alarm or some other such Nora Ephron-ism, it's time to hit the streets or hit the sheets (ugh).
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Sure, it's a little quick. They've been dating for 3-4 months, right? But is Mayer really going to do any better? Seriously, Aniston is attractive, rakes in tons of bucks, seems to have no real stick up her ass, and actually seems to like his music. What else is there? Seriously, we just Googled 'bad things about Jennifer Aniston' and came up with nothing. Sure, it's a rookie search phrase but still mildly telling.
For the record, we don't think these 2 actually broke up, maybe they're taking a break. Though that has been a gray area problem for Aniston in the past (hey, a Friends reference, novel). But if they did, and if they did, is someone in the wrong here? Was their relationship too short for the conception bomb from Aniston, if that's true? Was Mayer a good guy or a chump for bouncing when he did? Is Aniston going to petition Angelina Jolie for 1 tablespoon of Brad Pitt's semen (if she has decided to stop pressing snooze on the biological clock)? Internetland, thoughts?