Dirty Talk Dos and Don'ts

Lately, he's been on a swingers kick. We'll go to a party where everyone swaps partners, and he can watch me have my way with other men. Yeah, sure, in a pipe dream, why not? It looked pretty hot in Secret Diary of a Call Girl and Eyes Wide Shut. And in my make-believe world, I get to have the body of Nicole Kidman, so, what the hell? I'm down. Or I was, until we got into the particulars.

"Do you want to find another couple?" he asked. "We could put an ad on Craigslist, and..."

Craigslist? Are you kidding me? I won't even buy a rug off Craigslist. Why don't we just walk into a bus station and see who's hanging out in the bathroom? Do you have any standards at all?

I stewed over it for weeks until I finally confronted Ryan. "Jill, it's pretend. Do you really think I'd use Craigslist?"

"Then why did you say it? That's not even a turn-on! It's disgusting."

"I don't know. I mean, where do people go to find swingers? Lavalife? What was I supposed to say?" he asked.

I had no idea.

"It could have been worse," he said, smiling. "I could have said, 'I'm fixing to put an ad on Craigslist.'"

"You'd have blown your whole load right there," I said.

"Well, look who's talking dirty now."