Dirty Talk Dos and Don'ts
Embrace your inner vixen's vocabulary.
So I began prompting him with fantasies of my own. Awkward and tentative, it sounded more like a game of Clue: "Um, you...me...in the kitchen...without clothes..." The only problem with that, of course, is that he had questions. "What are we doing? Is anyone watching?" To which I always said the same thing, "Uh, what do you want?"
And, the funny thing is, it now excites me as well. While talking dirty can be a great way to share our fantasies, sometimes, his idea of sexy is definitely not mine, and I wish there were things he could take back. What sounds hot in the moment can turn cringe-worthy in retrospect.
Ryan remembers the time, before me, that he slept with a Texan who had all the enthusiasm of a Dallas Cowgirl. She all but yee-hawed her way to orgasm, screaming, "I'm fixing to come!"
"It turned me on like crazy back then," he admits.
Lately, he's been on a swingers kick. We'll go to a party where everyone swaps partners, and he can watch me have my way with other men. Yeah, sure, in a pipe dream, why not? It looked pretty hot in Secret Diary of a Call Girl and Eyes Wide Shut. And in my make-believe world, I get to have the body of Nicole Kidman, so, what the hell? I'm down. Or I was, until we got into the particulars.
"Do you want to find another couple?" he asked. "We could put an ad on Craigslist, and..."
Craigslist? Are you kidding me? I won't even buy a rug off Craigslist. Why don't we just walk into a bus station and see who's hanging out in the bathroom? Do you have any standards at all?
I stewed over it for weeks until I finally confronted Ryan. "Jill, it's pretend. Do you really think I'd use Craigslist?"
"Then why did you say it? That's not even a turn-on! It's disgusting."
"I don't know. I mean, where do people go to find swingers? Lavalife? What was I supposed to say?" he asked.
I had no idea.
"It could have been worse," he said, smiling. "I could have said, 'I'm fixing to put an ad on Craigslist.'"
"You'd have blown your whole load right there," I said.
"Well, look who's talking dirty now."
Discussion
my boyfriends in the military so a lot of our comunication is via e mail... including dirty talk... he's much better at it than i am but i think im getting better!! (kinda resenting the mocking of the "country talk" tho!! Im from Georgia, say fixin' all the time, and proud of it!!)
a little 'dirty' teasing/flirting via text or whatever through the day to get things going is fun- even better when they actually understand what you are saying!!
Yea, my hubby is srsly into some deviant fantasies. If this bf of yours is talking about craigslist...he means it! Now, I'm not saying I wouldn't swing necessarilly, monogamy is not the most interesting thing in the world for a notorious flirt as myself, but honesty and openness is so that said, it'd be more fun if my hubby were more willing to explore some of my fantasies and not only his own...
