I think for a lot of women too there is a maturity that comes with motherhood—that is another transition. So there's the physical transition from girlhood to womanhood, and then there's also this sense of having a larger purpose. Whatever your work-life may be, the fact is, you're responsible for someone else's wellbeing, and that's a very big thing. And it's super rewarding. I think most people would tell you, what our parents would say, that that's the most rewarding thing that they do, also the most challenging.
How do husbands either help or hinder the path that women take after kids to get back to feeling sexy?
That's a very good question. I think that probably husbands hinder more than they help. But I think it's entirely subconscious. Everyone is under a lot of stress. I remember missing my husband all day long, and I couldn't wait for him to get home. But then he'd walk through the door and I'd think, "Oh my God, what an asshole!" just because he wasn't in the trenches with me all day long. And I think there is a lot of that sort of tension.
Then of course, there's the tension from the father's side, which is that, you know, this is a person you're supposed to be physically intimate with—especially if you're in a monogamous marriage—and if that person is not feeling like she's wanting to be physically intimate then that's frustrating for everyone. So there's tension there. One of the most important things about the book is that the inspiration and the motivation needs to come from the woman. Her body has been the site of the trauma of pregnancy and childbirth and her body, in most cases, is the one that's being tugged on all day long and sat on and burped up on. So really, the woman needs to find a way so that she's the one who's feeling good about any sort of sexual interaction.