True Tales of Sex After Kids
Sex after kids explored in a Q&A with author Kimberly Ford.
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I also think that luckily we're getting a bit away from the cult of the child. Meaning that, for a long time there's been this sense that we have a lot of information and women are trying to raise the safest, happiest, healthiest, most well-adjusted children. The fact is, providing them an image of a successful marriage is really an important part of raising happy kids. If you can let them sit in front of the TV for an extra half-hour in the early evening—when you might be more in the mood—rather than at 9:30 when everyone is trying to get to bed, then that's a better strategy for everyone. So, one of the things to do as a woman is to let go of some of the household responsibilities and then give yourself a break in terms of the parenting.
We do something called Private Time which just means the kids know they're not supposed to bug us, so that might be a glass of wine on the couch, it might be us chatting on the porch, but mostly it's us upstairs behind closed doors. The kids love it because it means that they get to watch an extra half-hour of video or they get to play on the computer, or whatever it is that they're doing. And everyone's safe. I'm not sure that they understand at all what's happening, but the fact is, it gives us some flexibility and convenience. So you can find time on a Saturday afternoon instead of waiting until everybody's exhausted at 10 o'clock that evening.
Is there one key that you would recommend for a happy marriage?
I think probably the most important thing—and it's difficult—is communication. We didn't ever really have a big crisis in this department, but from people who've had a harder time, I think that communication is very, very important. And I've had friends say that it's important to communicate outside of the bedroom, meaning go and talk about this stuff over a cup of coffee or somewhere where the woman isn't feeling put-upon. So it's not that she's expected to have intercourse with her husband when there's lots of tension, it's that they're going to try and communicate.


