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That's a very good question. I think that probably husbands hinder more than they help. But I think it's entirely subconscious. Everyone is under a lot of stress. I remember missing my husband all day long, and I couldn't wait for him to get home. But then he'd walk through the door and I'd think, "Oh my God, what an a*****e!" just because he wasn't in the trenches with me all day long. And I think there is a lot of that sort of tension.

Then of course, there's the tension from the father's side, which is that, you know, this is a person you're supposed to be physically intimate with—especially if you're in a monogamous marriage—and if that person is not feeling like she's wanting to be physically intimate then that's frustrating for everyone. So there's tension there. One of the most important things about the book is that the inspiration and the motivation needs to come from the woman. Her body has been the site of the trauma of pregnancy and childbirth and her body, in most cases, is the one that's being tugged on all day long and sat on and burped up on. So really, the woman needs to find a way so that she's the one who's feeling good about any sort of sexual interaction.

One of the problems is that women feel like "My husband is just always wanting to have sex and I'm not." And again, there are psychological studies that prove that three years after the baby's born men are having three or four sexual urges a day and women have one every three days, or something. So there's that natural disparity, but I think if a woman can find a way, whether that's through better communication with her spouse or whether that's a girl's night out, whatever it is that makes her feel more in touch with the sensual part of who she is. If a woman can find that, then in fact there are lots and lots of benefits to be had from the physical intimacy that you can maintain with your spouse.

What are some activities that mothers can do on their own, fathers can do on their own and then what can couples do together to help maintain a relationship?

There's a lot of practical information in the book although it's mostly full of anecdotes. I think one of the important things and one of the basic messages is just to prioritize things differently. If you can find a way, as a mom, to let the dishes pile up or let the dust bunnies accumulate— if you can let go of some of that stuff in the name of some physical intimacy then I think that's a huge step in the right direction. The fact is, your husband would rather have take-out than a home-cooked meal if it means you're going to get to bed 20 minutes early and have your needs met.