Why Married Women Love "The Lifestyle"

Both husbands simply stand on the sidelines for now, watching and waiting, exchanging looks with their wives to size up who is ready for things to progress to a downstairs room. They negotiate the rules of play and find assurance both women definitely desire one another's husbands. Like every swinger I spoke with, the husband wants his wife to truly want to do it, never to be forced or pressured. Communication is key—a phrase people always hear about marriage, but here it's absolute.

The foursome heads downstairs, reserve a room and wait. Outside the door, they chat about regular things, as if they aren't about to engage in a significant sexual encounter and share intimate moments with practical strangers. Dave also uses this time to figure out how close the other couple is and whether or not the guy may be using his wife to get his own action. Confident, he's ready when the door opens. He makes a joke to lighten the mood. Since they've all been in swinging situations before, they get undressed.

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The women start kissing, then progress downward. The guys approach and join in the fun, until everyone is engaged in some form of intercourse and oral sex. The men swap wives and "play" with one another's spouse one-on-one. Only during the swap part, the women are reaching for each other again and kissing. Positions change, but "it's normal sex—it's just that four people are there," Dave explains.

When it's over, Dave makes another joke to lighten the mood. They get dressed, make small talk, and go back up to the bar to drink and chat with friends.

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If it sounds shocking or too matter-of-fact, that's the reaction a lot of people have these days. It's hard to comprehend how people, especially women, end up here. There is a popular phrase, "The lifestyle is all about the woman," says Tabu Social Club owner Vicki. If the woman isn't up for it, it won't happen. Certainly, out of almost every married woman I spoke with, it was her desire to be with another woman that drove them to swing. One said, "the lifestyle was an avenue to permit me to be with women." Another confided: "I was always a little curious about sex between two women. The lifestyle let me explore this part of me and discover I enjoy it very much. Women tend to be more passionate in many ways and being able to do this without being looked down upon has been a wonderful sexual experience."