Why Married Women Love "The Lifestyle"

I kissed a girl and I liked it. So go the lyrics of Katy Perry's top-of-the-charts song playing endlessly on the radio. Apparently, she's not the only one. Some married women like it, too—a lot. It's what piqued their interest in "the lifestyle" and locked them in for life.

Part one of my swingers article, "The Surburban Swingers Club," took you behind the scenes of a DC-area swingers club. But the same next questions seemed to evolve for everyone: How in the world do married women get here? You might imagine it's men who are begging their wives to swing, but in many cases, it's the wives who want to try it.

I spoke with six happily married female swingers (many are moms) and several husbands (some names have been changed), who spoke honestly about their motivations, meet-ups, and ah-ha moments. Here, a peek into what interested them in the lifestyle, and what keeps them going back for more...

On a typical Saturday night at the Tabu Social Club in Catonsville, Maryland, Carolyn and Dave hit the dance floor. They're a thirtysomething, married couple from a comfortable Washington, DC suburb. They work in downtown DC, drive their kids in carpools, and may be one table over from you at Outback Steakhouse, talking about mortgage payments and Labor Day barbecue plans. And they are swingers. They have had sex with other couples in their home and at swinger house parties; on boats and in clubs; in threesomes, foursomes, group sex rooms, and much more. Inside An NYC Sex Club

Tonight, they are at Tabu to hook up, hang out with friends, meet new ones, and get to know others that sparked their interest in popular online swinging sites such as the Club Voodoo community. Across the room, they spot a couple they know and have thought about "playing" with. The women gravitate to one another and are suddenly dancing, then dirty dancing, then Carolyn's tongue is inside the woman's mouth. Carolyn often enjoys passionately kissing a fun, sexy woman—she believes a woman just knows how to please another woman and create an erotic environment.

Both husbands simply stand on the sidelines for now, watching and waiting, exchanging looks with their wives to size up who is ready for things to progress to a downstairs room. They negotiate the rules of play and find assurance both women definitely desire one another's husbands. Like every swinger I spoke with, the husband wants his wife to truly want to do it, never to be forced or pressured. Communication is key—a phrase people always hear about marriage, but here it's absolute.

The foursome heads downstairs, reserve a room and wait. Outside the door, they chat about regular things, as if they aren't about to engage in a significant sexual encounter and share intimate moments with practical strangers. Dave also uses this time to figure out how close the other couple is and whether or not the guy may be using his wife to get his own action. Confident, he's ready when the door opens. He makes a joke to lighten the mood. Since they've all been in swinging situations before, they get undressed.