Tips and advice to make sex with your favorite person even better: a how-to masturbation guide.
It doesn't matter that masturbation is the safest and possibly most satisfying sex you can have, when it comes to a ménage a moi, lots of ladies (and men) are still in the closet. For starters, let's applaud the fact that we're not living in the Victorian era, when women were restricted from riding bicycles and horses, and some from sewing and squatting, lest they get too excited. And we don't have to visit the doctor's offices anymore just so they can use a large vibratory apparatus to calm us from "hysteria."
We can also eat graham crackers and corn flakes without the knowledge that both foods were once made to stop people from having sexy time with themselves. No longer do most of us believe that masturbating will cause us to go blind, lose a limb or even lose our lives. But lots of us still see masturbation as second-tier sex, or the sex you have when you can't get the sex you want, when the truth is, if you don't know your body, how can you expect anyone else to know your body?
In the 1994 book Sex in America, the question of who puts their own hands down their own pants, was, hands down, an act that less than 50% of women admitted to doing.
Today, between 45 and 80% of women have at least tried masturbation, a larger number indeed, but still, not enough of us are decorating our own closets, even if we’re hiding in them.
That means it's time to rub the 'shun' out of masturbation. It's time to shout from the rooftops that we masturbate and we love it! We love it, or should love it, because masturbation, and orgasms, can help relieve menstrual cramps and migraines, improve your skin tone, help you fall asleep faster, increase your desire for more orgasms, and can even make you multi-orgasmic.
The 91-year-old actor Ernest Borgnine praised masturbating "a lot" as the key to staying young, and 78-year-old masturbation maven Betty Dodson is still as saucy and sexy as ever thanks, in part, to her Hitachi Magic Wand. Even Britney Spears and Madonna haven't shied away from talking—and simulating—masturbation, so let's lower a hand (or a sex toy) and join the wank-off wagon!
Women may get the "short end of the stick," when it comes to jilling off, but just because we don't have a dangling participle doesn't mean masturbation isn't the bomb. The clitoris is your best bud, and it's the only organ in the human body designed exclusively for pleasure. With somewhere between 6,000 and 8,000 nerve endings (if you're keeping score, that's almost double the amount of nerve endings in a penis), you can get a lot of feeling out of your clit.
Just be gentle at first.
Instead of going directly for the head, rub the shaft. Massage the hood. Turn it on slowly and gently. Insert a finger or two into your vagina if you like the feeling of something inside of you when you masturbate. That's where you'll find the G-spot.
The G-spot isn't actually a spot, it's more of a cluster, and after you're aroused you should insert one or two fingers into the vagina, and massage the top wall of the vagina with the tips of your fingers. The G-spot is actually the urethral sponge, so even though you're massaging the vagina, you're technically aiming for a place beyond what you can touch.
Go in an inch or two to find the G-spot. Bend your fingers in a "come over here" motion. Move further back on that top wall and massage the cluster, or the spot known as the A-spot. That's where women should go if they're trying to ejaculate. Ejaculation is fun, it's a great release, and no it's not urine, but it's not necessary to ejaculate to have a mind-blowing orgasm so don't feel you have to do it.
Next, turn your finger down and massage the perineal sponge, which is the erectile tissue between the vagina and the rectum. Some women like stimulation on the top wall better, others prefer the bottom, and some want no internal stimulation at all. If you need clitoral stimulation to get where you need to go, you are not alone. Only 30% of women can orgasm without clitoral stimulation, so don't be shy about rubbing your own clit when you need to.
So how you should rub?
Try making circles around your clit. Draw the number eight around your vulva. Test out the alphabet. Use your hand like a paintbrush. Play with the shaft of your clit (check it out, just massage the clitoral hood to find it). Tap on your clit as you get closer to orgasm. Squeeze and release your PC (AKA kegel) muscles. Set the mood, listen to music, light candles, dress in something silky. Take your time. Try the shower head, or position yourself under the running water from the tub's faucet.
You can always use a sex toy. A vibrator has given loads of women their first orgasms, and vibration on your clitoris can feel spectacular. Sex toys that buzz will not make it more difficult for you to achieve great sex with a partner; in fact it can make it easier. A vibe is a great teacher tool, as are curved dildos and butt plugs. However, if you’re afraid a vibrator will desensitize your clitoris, simply stop using it and go back to your own Jackson Five.
Lube can help too. Lots of vaginas self-lubricate, but not all, and even the ones that do don't do it all the time. Women need more lube depending on the time of the month or if they're on anti-depressants or birth control. Plus, your clit and bum don’t self-lubricate, so if you're playing with them when you masturbate it's nice (or in the case of the ass, necessary) to add lube. It will make the task at hand go way smoother.
There are so many ways to twist, flick, massage and love yourself, so don't limit your options or your escapades to just one way all the time. The more you learn about yourself, the more you can share. If you're in a relationship, masturbate with your partner, it's not only hot to watch each other show some self-love, but it will add a lot to your partner sex. So get down with you sexy self and celebrate the love.
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