How to Control Jealousy

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control jealousy
Advice about how to manage jealousy, control your possessive tendencies and tame romantic envy.

Own Your Jealous Freak
A friend of mine, Denise, 28, was recently convinced her boyfriend and his cute coworker, had snuck off to a hotel during their lunch hour. But because she felt un-entitled to the way she was feeling ("I knew I was being insane"), she pretended to be okay with their friendship. For folks with jealous tendencies, I entreat you: stop pretending you're not a jealous person. It ends up just bubbling up and exploding. A better method for coping is to start asking lots of questions about the situation/person that has triggered your jealousy. What does she look like, is he attracted to her, what do they talk about? In time, you may be able to ask these questions without sounding accusatory. Baby steps.

Meet the Competition
It's funny how when we imagine our partners running off with someone else, the other person is the most perfect human being in God's creation. These delusions can be remedied through fairly simple means: meet the other person. A former girlfriend of mine was always talking about her coworker, who shared my name, so I had her ask the coworker out to drinks with us. Boy was I relieved to find see she looked like an ogre. Of course, if the person is really hot and cool, you might want to skip to Find Her Flaws. Fyi, Pines says that work-related jealousies are the most common in relationships today.

Find Her Flaws
This is not the most enlightened piece of advice, but a great way to tamper a jealousy attack is to silently, privately study the other person until you identify a flaw to latch onto. "There are a ton of gorgeous people in the world and my boyfriend is good at befriending them," says Kari, 23. "So to make myself feel better I focus on the less than glowing characteristics of the girl—and before long I notice she kinda has horse teeth or hear that she has a degree at a community college or something like that."

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