I have often heard people expecting their second child express fear that they won't be able to love the second baby as much as they do the first. "What if I don't have enough love to go around?" they ask. And then the minute that new baby is born they can literally feel their hearts expand.
For me, that is the way it is with polyamory. The amount we love is only limited by the amount we allow ourselves to love. My love for my husband has intensified, not decreased. I have become more aware of him and of myself and of what we mean to one another. It becomes too easy to take one's partner for granted. But when you are balancing more than one partner, that type of carelessness becomes treacherous. Besides, the heart wants what it wants. And my heart wants them both.
Trying to mandate love is like telling a flower to limit its blooms. Corny? Perhaps. But I cannot help but think of the metaphor of flowers and all things living and growing when I think about love. Put it in a pot, stifle its roots and bound to that pot it will remain. But plant it in the ground and allow it all the sun and water it wants and only the earth and sky are the limit for how far and wide it can grow.
None of this is to suggest that a person can't be happy and satisfied with one partner. I have plenty of friends for whom monogamy is the perfect fit. But I know even more people for whom it doesn't work. In fact, it is strangling the otherwise happy partnerships they have. We can't all wear the same size t-shirt. So, why in the world do we demand that everyone "wear" the same size love…?