2. He makes life easier and even sometimes more fun. Rob may not be my ideal life partner, but he's a sweet guy who would give you the shirt off his back... or clean the bathroom even if he thinks it's clean enough but you're hell-bent on sparkling tiles in time for your visitors yet have no energy left to scrub them yourself. He's also enthusiastic about checking out new restaurants with me, or just catching the ball game on TV from the couch, cold beer in hand. While for better or worse we ignore our deep-seated issues around sex and money, we enjoy laughs together and keep each other amused. Life without him would require me to find new fun. If that sounds lazy, and you wonder just how much the bigger issues matter to me, remember, I'm giving myself a break at the moment. (See #1.)
3. It would be arrogant to think there's no hope. The work Rob has done to improve himself in the last year is amazing. He went from avoiding any sort of therapeutic situation to undertaking both individual and couples therapy. And while I say I'm sitting back and relaxing at the moment, that's relative. I always strive to make each day happier for us than the last. And in couples therapy we're learning to communicate better. There's potential, and to refuse it some time to reveal itself fully would not be fair.
4. I need to save some money of my own. Due to my admittedly insane and overblown need to "pay my own way" and not depend on a man, we've always kept our money separate. The thing is, Rob earns three times as much as I do, and so after paying our bills, his disposable income is considerably higher. Rob is a generous guy, and he supports me in ways that remain well enough below the radar to avoid offending my independent sensibilities—he unassumingly picks up the check at dinner and forgets to ask for my share of the grocery bill. If I leave, however, that's the end of his help, and with no family to count on, it's also the end of my safety net. It will be some months before I can save up for an apartment of my own. I'm not in any danger at home with Rob, so I have the luxury of being practical about this, and can wait until I have more funds available.