Look Him Up or Leave it Alone?

By YourTango

Look Him Up or Leave it Alone?
Is finding your long-lost ex via the Internet a recipe for disaster?

If even one of these answers is yes, by now what you might really want to know is if he's still single.

If you are in a committed relationship and you think you are just curious, beware. Kalish says people have always been able to find former flames, but back when it took more effort to do so, people more carefully considered the risks and potential consequences of doing so before taking the leap. "The Internet has made it too casual," says Kalish, "and people are ruining good, thriving relationships."

With technology, cheating in thought is easy. You can anonymously check out your former flame and wonder "what if"? Some might consider emails—"So what's up with you?"—innocent enough, but Kalish says it's a slippery slope to cheating in deed.

Taking the Long-Lost Lover's Leap
Lost-and-found lovers who have reunited will tell you it feels as if it was meant to be, but this doesn't mean the road was easy or that they took it lightly. It is not easy to abandon current relationships and careers, and some live with guilt over their choices, no matter how cosmically driven and "right" the reunion seemed.

"It was born during a very difficult time, and there was guilt at first. The early holidays were tough," says Jack. But they're glad they hoed that row. "We were both in bad situations and even seriously sick—and we say our illness were manifestations of our unhappiness," explains Lorna. She left her husband and got together with Jack a year after reconnecting and corresponding. "We say we saved each others lives."

A woman we'll call June carefully considered rekindling with a long lost love in 2001. Thirty-four years before, she said goodbye to Gary on an exit ramp off California's Highway 5, where he dropped her off after a night spent together rekindling the romance they had left behind when he had left for the Air Force and later, Vietnam. He had returned but was still in the Air Force, and she was a "flower-child" about to establish legal residency in Canada—they did not pursue a relationship at that time.

PARTNER POSTS