Ask A Non-Monogamist
Got non-monogamy questions? He's got answers.
Just yesterday, in fact, I spoke with this very same editor about these very same concerns. I asked her what she thought my readers were most curious about. Did they want to know more about the ways Carrie and I dealt with jealousy, for instance? Or would they rather get tips and advice from us about starting open relationships for themselves? Maybe they just wanted the down-and-dirty details: where we found our partners, and what we did with them, and why.
And then it hit me: Why not go straight to the source, and simply ask the readers themselves? Which is exactly what I'm doing now.
YourTango readers: When it comes to the subjects of polyamory and swinging and open relationships, what are you honestly, truly most curious about? Do you want to know more about the rules and boundaries Carrie and I have developed for our own sex lives? Do you want to learn about how and why we decided to open up our relationship in the first place? Do you want to know what our friends and families have to say about our situation? Do you want to read more about our plans for the future, like our upcoming "UnWedding," or the possibility that we may one day add a permanent third person to our relationship?
Seriously: If there's something specific you're curious about, let me know. You can add your question to the comments section at the end of this post, or you can write to me privately by sending an email to the following address: eldridge@ymail.com.
By the way, I'm planning to spend the next few weeks away from this column. I'll be traveling in the Philippines to research a guidebook for another publisher, but once I've collected a decent number of your questions, I'll sit down with Carrie, and we'll both answer the very best of them together.
'Til next time…
Discussion
Dan, I have become a recent fan of this blog. Thank you for putting your relationship and experience out there for the rest of us. I, too, am in an open relationship. Though mine might more accurately be described as a polyamorous one. I appreciate your blog because--while I'm not looking for a community, per se, I am looking to see that I'm not alone and I'm hungry for information about how others approach this pandora's box of sorts.
I see that this particular blog entry was an announcement ...but I find it interesting that you already posted a few questions from your editor and failed to answer them. Please don't tease your readers so!
So I'll ask the question your editor asked again:
"...have you and Carrie discussed what would happen if you were to fall in love with another woman? "
My wife and I have been "open" to this idea of an open relationship for years (we've been together ffor over 10 of them). But it was not until this summer that we decided to formally push open this door that has been merely ajar all this time. We are not interested in swinging or having anonymous sex. In fact--we are seek quite the opposite. If we are going to have a partner, we want to find someone who not only cares for the individual, but also respects the bond that we have together. So, we are open to loving openly even though we recognize that there will be fears and jealousy that could potentially bubble up.
So, I am very interested in learning more about the details of your rules and how you manage your love for each other (and potentially a third of fourth party).
Thanks again!
