When I met her, I never imagined we'd be more than friends. So when it seemed to be turning into something else, I went to my husband and asked him what he'd think of Jemma being my girlfriend. Luckily, he was delighted. Despite it breaking the rules, he had seen our friendship develop and adored both her and who I was when I was with her. That is, less needy and more calm. (More about that next week.)
The first rule (the out of town one) was, naturally, much easier to consider ditching. The second one, well, not so much. Wouldn't that be going against everything we talked about in deciding to open our relationship? Sex is just sex. Love is a different story. The only people we love romantically (my husband and I, that is) are each other. That's why we're married in the first place. You can't love two people in that way at the same time. Right?
For us it turns out, quite the opposite is true. Although sex can be just sex. It doesn't have to be, even when it comes to relationships outside of our marriage. Love begets love. It doesn't cancel out that which came before it because love, contrary to popular belief, is not a limited commodity.
So, setting rules is fine and it's possible to have an open relationship that does not allow for falling in love outside of the primary couple. And that might be just the right formula if Heartland and her husband are to have a successful open relationship.
But I would also advise her not to be so deadly scared of him loving someone else. That's what polyamory is all about and that's what next week's blog is all about too…