How Not To Leave a Voicemail
We hope this awful attempt at a pickup is a joke.
By now you might've heard what's been called "the douchiest phone message in history" from holytaco.com. But if not, please drag all impressionable youngsters into the room with you and have a listen to learn how never to leave a voicemail for a hot chick who gave you her number at the bar.
Dmitri is calling Olga in a painfully misguided attempt to woo her. Some choice bits:
"I am single, I have no trouble meeting women, women approach me, six, seven times a day...your friends were very jealous and even if they say they weren't, they were envious of the fact that I approached you."
"You looked very taken aback by my approach and I hope that wasn't timidness. I hope it was just a little bit of shock at being approached so directly, because I don't really date timid women...I want a woman who's very independent and strong. So we'll talk about that."
"You're playing games like on stupid TV shows...it is now 4:30 on Wednesday...but if I do not receive a call from you at 3:00 on Thursday night, you can erase my number. I don't play games like that."
These aren't even the best parts...have a listen and cringe. We hope this is a joke...it's so over-the-top, it hasn't to be, right?
Discussion
I, too, refuse to date timid women who are unable to handle how direct and passionate I can be after a few drinks. I could sympathize with this man, who has a wonderful first name, and who is clearly being treated unfairly by this manipulatively passive-aggressive woman. But I am disappointed in Comrade Wakeman for whetting spoilers in her post without sufficient warning.
I have both left and received far douchier voicemails. This Dmitri is a rank amateur, that angle may work in St. Petersburg but American women need more finesse. Or name-dropping.