7 Relationship Deal Breakers
Men tell us what it takes to turn them off.
We often assume that men don't obsess over details in a relationship, but in fact, most guys will tell you that they do notice the little things –from the kind of cereal you prefer to the way your voice goes up about an octave when you get in an argument. So what are the non-negotiable traits – be they physical or personality-based – that most men take into consideration when choosing a mate? Read on as real men reveal the little things they say can take a relationship from a rolling boil to lukewarm in 10 seconds flat.
1. She talks down to the help. I was dating this woman who seemed like a really cool girl, except that when we'd go out to this diner near my apartment, she was always rude to the waitresses. When she went to the bathroom I'd apologize for her behavior and sometimes slip a few extra bucks onto the table. It wasn't long before I ended things. If you don't have respect for people who work on their feet all day, you're not going to be my girlfriend. I used to be a bartender so I know how it is.
- Keith, 31
2. She's a picky eater. I was out on a date to my favorite sushi restaurant and the woman I was with literally spit a roll into her napkin. If you're going to be the girl who picks things out of her entree or rolls her eyes if I suggest anything more exotic than Italian, it's not going to work. The "dressing on the side" girls are also not adventurous in bed, in my experience.
-Wil, 33
3. She's sexually manipulative. I was dating this woman who withheld sex, claiming it was because of her religion. Then if she wanted something, she'd be all over me. Now I'm not afraid to say that sex is a non-negotiable part of a relationship.
-Hany, 29
4. Her idea of "happily ever after" doesn't match up with mine. I know that my plans for the future don't include having kids. I have purposefully avoided dating beautiful women who I knew were interested in me because I knew that they wanted to have children. Most women won't change their minds on this–and neither will I.
-Robert, 40
5. She's a therapy junkie. There is one sentence I never want to hear from someone I'm dating: We should go to couples therapy. If it's not working, move on.
-Ben, 28
6. She has an abrasive laugh. I once went on a date with this woman and when she laughed it sounded like a donkey braying. It was loud and grating and just plain obnoxious. I figured that if we dated I would constantly be looking around, feeling like people were staring at us so I just never called her again.
-Max, 26
7. She's in her twenties. Yeah, the sex might be great, but who cares if you can't even have a conversation?
-Otto, 39
What are your deal breakers, girls? Tell us below!
Discussion
1. Cheap - Won't pick up the tab for a few drinks on the first date. This is usually the type of guy who thinks every women is a gold digger and wants to roll him for free food and drinks. Loser.
2. Narcissist - Can't stop talking, has no interest in you and thinks the sun rises because he is on this earth.
3. Talks about Ex - Regardless if it's positive or negative, who cares, get over it.
4. Needs a security blanket - Attached to the phone, it's constantly in his hand, he's texting or checking emails/messages. You're out on a date with a real person, put it away.
5. Rude to wait staff.
6. liar
7. Fear of commitment - If you're over the age of 30 and you haven't had a serious relationship, grow up and get therapy. And the I've never found "the one" is a B.S. excuse is told by people who either don't really want anything and think this sounds good or who have a delusional view of real world relationships.
i resent # 7 not all girls that r young r dull, shallow, or incapable of having a interesting conversation!
1. liar
2. too private, as in freaks out when he thinks I've been 'asking around' about him - what are you hiding?
3. controlling and manipulative - suggests he prefers private time with me rather than going out with my friends... then lies on the couch watching TV all evening
4. not interested in my life or views, doesn't listen to anything I have to say, takes offence when I relate something about his topic but it isn't about him, talks about how great he is constantly (insecure, obviously)
5. no foreplay, not attentive to my needs and responses, sex is all about stickin it in and gettin himself off.
6. lacks romantic gestures, not affectionate or emotionally communicative (cold)
7. fitness fanatic, not accepting of my 'softness' and size
I am in a relationship right now, and I know that he will be picky with me, but I am just a picky. We both love each other, but sometimes our flaws can overwhelm us. My boyfriend does not have a job, he doesn't have a driver's license, and he only has a high school education. I have my Associate's Degree, I have had three jobs, I have my driver's license, and I am going to a university where I am studying English Education.
I am four years older than my boyfriend and I am in my twenties.
Again, I love my boyfriend, but I wish that he would have more self-confidence in himself, I wish he would grow up a little bit, I would like it if he wouldn't spend so much time online (I am not an attention whore, I just feel like everything we do revolves around the computer because the computer is his life), I wish that he would stand up to people (his mother rules his life), and I wish that he would get his priorities straight. I know that he is still young, but he has to realize that his parents are divorced, neither of them are really supporting him, and it is time to be a man.
A lot of this might sound so shallow, but I do love him and I do not want to see him end up a loser like his father.
I know that I cannot have the fairytale, no woman can, it is unrealistic. I love is personality, he is really sweet, and he makes me laugh. He has never done anything harmful to me, but not having a job, not having an education, and not having what he needs to really survive in life concerns me.
I am not asking for feedback because I know that I need to solve my problems on my own, but I want women to know that if they are in my situation, we cannot change them. They have to change on their own, but we need to keep telling them that they have to learn to be men. They have to grow up. So many men these days are not really men, and you all can argue with me on this, but deep down you all know it is true.
"IN MY OPPINION!" If a guy is to pushy or to demanding of my time I get turned off right away! In today's rushing world it is unrealistic to assume that a women has all the time in the world to talk on the phone and sooth a man's worries and ego. For me, if a man is that insecure about things its time for some conseling before involving himself with another women who he needs to control. I want my guy to display confidance and realize that the women's world does not have to revolve around him 24-7!! I don't know maybe this a territorial thing and I don't understand it? But still guys get a grip! Everyones been hurt before...but that is no reason to be constantly checking up on your new flame or assuming she's up to something!
Interesting to note that some of us women in our twenties have seen much more of the world than most women twice our age. For example, I've spent five years in the active duty US Army, been deployed twice, once to Iraq and once to Afghanistan, lost several close friends because of the war, and been married-and divorced. So any guy who dismisses a woman because of her age, claiming she can't carry on an intelligent conversation, without even talking to her-he doesn't deserve to be anybody's man.
My deal-breakers?
1. An attention-whore. My last boyfriend was around while a dog my family had for ten years was dying of cancer, and refused to accept the fact that I had to look after the dog (make sure he could get outside to do his business, give him his medications, make sure he had enough water) and couldn't go upstairs to the other computer for voice chat. It was an emotional time for me, and he was far more demanding than he was supportive. We didn't last long after that.
2. Self-esteem issues. I'd rather not hear about how much you think you suck or how much your life sucks. That's the best set-up for "you're everything that's good about my life" and lots of guilt-tripping ever, and I don't want anything to do with it. I can't be responsible for the full, complete happiness of two people. That's practically a full-time job.
3. Trying to change my inner "system". Politics, for example. I had one boyfriend early on who, at first, seemed great. Didn't matter that we had two different political affiliations... until he decided to try to sell how great Bush was to me every single morning. More than idle commenting, and continuing despite my suggesting that politics was perhaps not the best topic of discussion. He wanted a die-hard Republican, and I wasn't going to try to force myself to be it. Two compatible people shouldn't have to change their core beliefs to make it work, but two opposite beliefs do not necessarily make compatibility impossible.
4. Insecurity. If a man is so paranoid about his woman running off with someone and doesn't have anything--like a history or whatever--to back it up, then there's something seriously wrong. I'm not going to stop hanging around with my group of friends (which, oh gosh, has males in it!) just to deal with the paranoia of one potential love interest. I'd rather save myself the heartache, keep the friends I've had for years, and find a new guy.
5. Men who push for sex. Mind that I'm not including the men who make their positions clear in the beginning and then we both decide our views aren't compatible. That's fine and fair. I'm talking about the men who say in the beginning that they're fine waiting as long as I need, and then tell me over the phone that they aren't dressed and could I maybe please say a couple things to get them going. Or, alternatively, the men who demonstrate the fact that they've been particularly misleading by trying to undo my bra. Guys, if sex is an absolute must for you, make it clear early. Don't just assume that your ladyfriend will go along with it--especially after she's explicitly told you otherwise--when you decide you need a little more than the DVD player can provide.
1. A guy with ugly hands. A guy is trying to talk to me now, and he's cute and all, but I just can't see myself with him because his hands are so ugly. I don't like long nails, but I definitely don't like NUBS. It's so unattractive.
2. A guy with messed up teeth. A beautiful smile is a MUST.
3. Liars. Can't and won't tolerate them.
4. A guy who can't make me laugh has got to go.
5. A boring conversationalist doesn't stand a chance with me either.
OK
1. The guy suddenly becomes freaky.
like rabies scary, or unclean, dirty/smelly, unkempt, like stays that way, and like it doesn't bother him. Clean teeth are like so sexy.
2. The guy even gets another chance after caught cheating, but blows it.
3. The guy is of a different culture., and women are secondary to him. In the family structure, the mother needs lots of respect so the kids can have the trust vs mistrust infancy thing in psychology successfully resolved and move on to the next stages of development.
4. Family is a must, kids, etc. so illegal activities, friends coming and going, people we barely know coming over, just won't work. Kids need protection.
5. Not drinking. Relaxing is a big deal, and a hobby and dancing and a few drinks are what I like, a guy that can relax, not act like he has rabies.
6. I want the fairytale, so every once in a while I want to be treated like I am royalty, and in return treat my guy like he is royalty. Only because it is fun, not because I have an ego trip, or a complex, I just want to have fun, and share fun, and help my guy have fun. Life is too short to let it go by without enjoying it, helping others enjoy it, sharing what you have, etc.
Straight women who make out with other straight women- How can I trust a woman when I have to be constantly looking over my shoulder to make sure she isn't banging my sister?
I am 21 and I'm bi. I used to date mostly girls, but I got so sick of girls just pretending to be bi or lesbian, that I gave up on that. so, I guess, now I'm technically straight... But it's ridiculous.