"We like all kinds of touching, but nothing feels better to a guy than having your hand wrapped around his cock," says Will, 35. "So when we're sticking our hand in your panties, we're just trying to make you feel good."
Like sorting out any kind of relationship difficulty, communication is key. Whichever partner wants more lead-in time to intercourse needs to speak up, preferably before clothes come off and you're both more vulnerable. And after you make the problem clear (you're not getting enough foreplay), tell him all things he does that make you crazy with lust. Not only will he know what to do, you'll keep his ego intact.
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"We may seem like thick-skinned, unemotional buffoons," said Will, "but criticizing our sexual prowess cuts deep. If we're trying hard to please you and you tell us we're doing something 'wrong,' we're not going to be all that excited about keeping up the effort."
Sex expert Dr. Ava Cadell suggests another approach: once a month exchange a wish list of three foreplay ideas you think will "heighten" a sexual experience for you. You can either put "More Foreplay" at the top, or spell out specific requests, like a bubble bath or a sensual massage. Making it an intimate game not only communicates what you want and spares his ego, you'll learn what turns him on.
But bruised ego or not, forget about faking arousal. Moaning and groaning and allowing penetration before you're ready sends signals to him you like what's happening, and the pace at which it's happening. If things are going too fast, it's better to stop him by saying, "This is wonderful, but I'm not quite ready yet. But I'd love it if you kissed my thighs/breasts/neck more... that's amazing..." When he reaps the reward, he'll catch on.
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"Guys with lots of experience tend to like foreplay," wrote one sex columnist, "because they realize that hot foreplay often leads to hot sex."