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I Considered Cheating On My Wife

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I Considered Cheating On My Wife
A married writer explores the urge to sleep with multiple partners.

flirtingEchoing the question on most lips (and one addressed at length on this site) following Eliot Spitzer's notorious outed outing with a prostitute, New York magazine's cover story this week asks: what makes married men want to have affairs?

The brave writer, Philip Weiss, admits that though he hasn't acted on them, he can relate to Spitzer's urges. Whether you're thinking this is another sign of immorality pervading society or "Yeah, what took you so long? Get on the open relationship bandwagon, buddy," it's clear the subject is not to be ignored.

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Kind of like drinking or driving underage, part of having sex outside of a committed relationship is the thrill that comes with doing something illicit. Cue Tango's favorite therapist Esther Perel and other experts hoping to pull marriage's reputation out from under its passionless, restrictive shell through greater communication and understanding. Weiss quotes one friend who says: “Do middle-aged, married women who are no longer interested in having sex with their husbands expect them to remain faithful?" The response, according to American mores, is "yes," though this is at odds with biology.

Evolutionary biology's poster child should be the transgender man quoted in the article, who underwent a sex change after 50 years as a woman. He told Weiss that since taking testosterone supplements, he's noticed "a newfound ability to completely divorce sexuality from emotional commitments."

Of course, women stray almost as much as men, so while there is not one golden answer to the cheating question, it can only help to talk about it.

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