Living Apart: The Key To Wedded Bliss?
Committed couples who choose two separate abodes are on the rise.
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For years, Celina felt the same way, but then she had a change of heart—and persuaded Eric to marry. They are "gladly apart," a category of couples who marry but set up separate households. "I wanted to be married for the same reason gay couples do, " says Celina. "I want to visit him in the ICU, be the contact person in case of emergency, and get health insurance."
And then there are the square pegs in the round hole: The LATs who are "regretfully apart" and face separation due to career, economic or family obligations. Stephen says he and Kate "insisted on living together before we were married (despite some parental opposition) because it seemed like a key bellwether for the relationship." As they are now expecting their first child, they say they won't live in separate homes once they can find jobs in the same city. Stephen says that, "Together" is clearly the default setting for us, all the rest is temporary adjustment."
* Names have been altered to protect their identities.
Discussion
It is my belief that we are all being called to look at how we are in relationships in a whole new way. Since most womyn are pretty independent these days, we don't need men to provide for us so far, and so can make choices that protect our personal sanctuary and need for self care.
It's pretty naive to think that living together reduces the rate of infidelity. Infidelity has existed since time began-living together does not stop it. The interesting thing to note is that it is on the rise with womyn more so than men right now. Guess we are no longer willing to put up with men not providing for our emotional and/or sexual needs.
To live in fear of a future crisis happening, and reducing our happiness for today because of it, is not healthy. We could be living with someone, and they could get in a car accident, or have a heart attach while we weren't home. These reasoning's do not, for me, provide enough justification for not living together.
My current live in partner of 2 yrs and I are currently looking at creative solutions that allow for us to celebrate the love we share for one another, while recognizing we don't live so well together. I'm grateful that we have options and can think, and act, outside the box.
I recently wrote a post on my blog about relationship sustainability. (http://www.bliss101.net/relationship-sustainability-myth-or-attainable/) I wish I had thought of including ideas such as this...a future article perhaps!
Living apart in different cities or states creates too many opportunities for infidelity. If you love each other and you marry, you should BE together geographically. If you don't want to live together, why marry?
I wonder if Celina realizes that the chances of her husband Eric surviving a heart attack, a stroke, or a serious accident while at home by himself, are far LESS than if she were there when it happened? It's one thing for this to happen in a regular marriage but quite another when it happens in this "LTA" type of marriage.
I certainly wouldn't have it on my conscience that my wife could have survived a serious incident if I had been there to call the paramedics, but was not because I wanted to enjoy the benefits of live apart from her.
