We were perusing the old iVillage yesterday and bumped into an article siting a correlation between divorce and Major League Baseball (MLB). It turns out that the cities with Major League Baseball clubs (baseball talk for teams) have lower divorce levels than those without them. The article they clipped from explains the trend thusly: baseball is a fun, family-friendly game that promotes good family interaction and saves marriages. So, if you're scoring at home, MLB has gotten to the people in the divorce theory business. It was only matter of time after getting to The Congress. They're doing what every they can to make us forget what a dink Barry Bonds is and how many ethical lapses oddly involve Roger Clemens.
The iVillage writer theorizes that divorce is least common in the Northeast and that there biggest concentration of baseball teams. The first part is true (Blue states, despite their godlessness, do divorce less), but the second part is specious. If you count Maryland (Baltimore) and DC as part of the Northeast (which we do not) there are 6 teams in the region (Nationals, Orioles, Phillies, Mets, Yankee, Red Sox). There are more teams in the Midwest (Brewers, Twins, Reds, Indians, Tigers, White Sox, Cubs, Cardinals). Is it possible that people in America’s biggest cities have a lower divorce rate?
None of the above is correct. Sure, it's great taking the kids to see America’s past time but you're stressed out the whole time about the cost of the venture. And we’ve proved that there are more teams in the Midwest with their bratwurst and quick-trigger divorces. And if big cities were proof against divorce then they could have done this study with basketball, football, or to a much, much lesser extant, hockey. We think it's because of a certain technique used to delay the elusive male orgasm. 'Thinking about baseball' saves marriages. Slightly longer sex (though still in the 7 to 13 minute range) leads to more satisfied wives and better relationships. And it's much easier to think about baseball when it's heavily covered by local media.