For the past five years, my boyfriend and I have had this apples and oranges relationship—and it's apples and oranges that have kept us smitten with one another. My last two relationships ended horribly after one of us cheated. Most of the time, as Jeremy had so poorly put it, it was just sexual. But in reality, the sparks had died between us and secretly we both tried to find something or someone else to fill the void. Today I'm in a relationship where we put all of our cards on the table. We are honest about our feelings with one another, and we're honest about our feelings about other people. Every once in a while he tells me that a really cute redhead cruised him at the coffee shop. I respond by showing him a dirty text message one of my guy friends sent me. The result? We just laugh at each other, then have amazing sex driven by the attraction other people have for us. Everyone assumes that the term "open relationship" means crazy orgies and more sex with other people than with each other. Although it certainly can involve that, we barely do it. What remains consistent is the understanding that it is an option.
Unfortunately, my friends would never understand that concept. Up to this day, none of them know anything about my relationship. And I'm fine with keeping it a secret.