In Defense Of Monogamy


In Defense Of Monogamy
When it comes to romantic commitments, less can be more.

While I agree love isn't finite—if it were, humanity would be pretty messed up—there's another aspect of our lives that is by definition finite: time. For me, nothing was a bigger relationship buzz-killer than forgoing my six-month anniversary with Dan because he'd promised his secondary partner Susanne some "alone time", and then missing out on each other the next week because of the various work, social, and date commitments dotting our respective Google Calendars. Can you imagine adding other needy partners to an already overstressed relationship cocktail? It's not fun for either party.

I'm now in a monogamous relationship now with a wonderful guy who prefers the same. It's eye-opening to be in a relationship where we can ask for what we want without succumbing to the hip quotient of open relationships. Having experienced the spectrum of sexual fidelity, I've come to realize that openness is an orientation just like homosexuality—and like our sexual orientations, some of us are wired to prefer monogamy, and there's nothing to be ashamed about.

Dan Savage, the no-holds-barred sex columnist, agrees with me: when one "Confused in Canada" asked how to get over his fears of an open relationship, the normally ribald Dan wrote, "There's nothing premodern about your feelings, no area where you require "improvement," nothing you need to get over." Whether you're polyamorous or prefer a more traditional commitment, we can all agree that Dan's on to something: we shouldn't have to "get over" our deep-seated preferences, whether they involve one person or eight, to find the love each of us deserves.