From The Illustrated Guide to Extended Massive Orgasm, by Vera and Steve Bodansky
From The Illustrated Guide to Extended Massive Orgasm, by Vera and Steve Bodansky
We believe that humans have the power to create our lives as we want them to be. Dr. Vic Baranco, pioneering sexologist and master teacher showed us that orgasm does not have to be limited to a few seconds and a few contraction.
It can begin with or before the first touch or stroke and continue throughout the whole sexual experience; it can last many minutes or even hours at ever-increasing intensities that far surpass the usual, short orgasm. That, in a nutshell, is the definition of an extended massive orgasm, or EMO.
If you want to learn to give an orgasm, there are many techniques to learn, but if you want to learn to receive one, you need to do as little as possible.
It takes energy to tense a body part. This is energy that distracts you from focusing on the sensations you feel. Being productive human beings, however, we often find it difficult to relax, and the tensed-up state may seem more natural to us.
The common image most people hold of an orgasm is of a man who tenses his body until he ejaculates. Women have been conditioned to imitate this way of having an orgasm.
Therefore, it may take some practice and training to learn to relax while a partner pleasures you. Becoming familiar with the various ways our bodies feel and look is vitally important to the serious student of sensuality.
Besides helping you love yourself more, the basic tool of intimate knowledge of your body also equips you to be a better lover to someone else.
To become good at almost anything, you have to practice. To gain knowledge in a certain area, you have to do research. The following exercises, more than any other techniques we teach, have helped numerous students of sensuality to learn more about, and to love, their bodies.
1. Carve Out Time For Some TLC (And Please Your Senses).
The goal of this "visiting dignitary" exercise is to learn to treat yourself better than you usually do. Imagine that a famous person (or someone you admire) is coming to visit you. First, pick a place where you'll entertain your special guest.
Now get the chosen area ready for your visiting dignitary. Clean up the space so it looks appreciably better because as it turns out, you are the special person on whom this attention is to be showered.
Sense of smell: While cleaning your chosen room or even beforehand, think of what you would like to use for pleasuring each one of your senses. You can use scented oils, incense, a scented candle, a fragrant flower, perfume, or whatever you like.
According to David Sobel and Robert Ornstein in Healthy Pleasures, the sense of smell is our most ignored and under-appreciated sense.
Smell is connected to the emotion-generating areas of our brain; both are located in the limbic system. Smell, therefore, can have a great subconscious influence on our moods, behaviors, and memories.
Sense of taste: Next, select some of your favorite foods. Bear in mind that you do not want to consume a big meal before or during your sensual practice. You might make a fruit plate with your favorite seasonal delicacies, or choose a few pieces of chocolate-dark, light or truffles. Get something to drink. It could be your favorite juice, or a carbonated beverage.
Sense of sight: Now make sure that you have something you enjoy looking at. It could be a bouquet of flowers, a pretty candle, a beautiful painting, or a fireplace. You can use the same object for more than one sense.
Sense of hearing: To please your sense of hearing, listen to your favorite music. Some people make special tapes or program their CD players to play certain pieces. Other people have used sounds of birds outside their window, a running brook, or ocean waves splashing on a beach.
Sense of touch: Find something that feels great to touch. It could be an item of silk, satin, or velvet clothing. It could be a smooth sculpture or a feather.
For your final sense, which is your conceptual thought, you can introduce any idea, concept, or entertainment that stimulates your eroticism. You can play a sexy video or read a romance novel or an erotic magazine . You can even use your own fantasy as a stimulant.
Once you have created your ideal sensual space for you, you are ready to continue. First, make sure you have a few necessary items: you will need a full-length mirror, a hand mirror, and your favorite lubricant.
2. Take A Good Look At Yourself (And Your "Flaws").
Now that you have your space prepared, it is time to take advantage of it. The goal of this visual inventory exercise is to learn to like and even love the way you look.
The way to reach this goal is to look at yourself with admiring eyes. Usually, when we look at ourselves in the mirror, we look for what is wrong. We check for zits or bad hair; women might study their reflections for flaws in their makeup.
In this exercise, you are to look at yourself only with admiration and appreciation. Look at yourself directly, using both the full length mirror and the handheld mirror.
We usually recommend doing this exercise in full light, but you can use candlelight if you find it more flattering. Start by looking in the mirror part of yourself that you like, and put your total visual attention there. You will find that you like likable things even more when you focus attention on them.
Then move your attention to another area and appreciate it. Take your time and move from one part of your body to another. Look at the shape, color, and musculature—anything you like. Do not spend any time looking at an area if you don't like it, but remember that it is possible to change your mind about your body when you see it through admiring eyes.
We knew someone who had a scar he'd always hated; doing this exercise, he found it beautiful and unique. This person learned to love what he previously could not stand. The more you get into the habit of viewing yourself with positive eyes, the easier it becomes.
3. Experiment With Your Body.
The goal of this tactile inventory exercise is to learn how and where you prefer to be touched. We originally called it "pinch and scratch" because it calls for touching yourself all over your body with all kinds of touches.
Anything is acceptable: light touches, firm touches, pinching, scratching with the nails, stroking with the back of the hand, and any other way of touching yourself that you can imagine. The only rule is that the touch be pleasurable.
You can go as light or as heavy as you wish to test the limits of your pleasure. You'll find that different parts of your body like different types of pressure. You might prefer a light stroke on your nipple and a firmer one on your shoulder.
Again, do this exercise for as long as it is fun and you enjoy it. You can take breaks whenever you desire; then try checking out a new and different touch after your break.
4. Pay Special Attention To Sensitive Spots.
This is really part of your tactile inventory. The goal of the focal point exercise is to sensually arouse a selected area of your body. You just have to pay extra attention to a sensitive spot on your body (such as the inner elbow, a spot on your lip, or wherever).
We recommend using concentric circles that approach and then move away from the spot over and over again, without touching the spot itself.
You can do this exercise on more than one spot. You can try out different lubricants to see how you like them.
5. "Self-Love" Is More Than A Stress Reliever!
Lots of people participate in a little self love (if you get what we mean) to relieve tension, not necessarily to extend their pleasure over time. And most people feel pressure to have an orgasm as "proof" that they've succeeded, and we do not want to add to this pressure.
The goal of this exercise is to have as much fun and pleasure as possible, and to extend this pleasure as long as possible.
When you do the above exercises before masturbating, you are creating an atmosphere that makes you conducive to receiving the most pleasure from your body. By treating yourself royally, with a nice space and lots of pleasurable stimulants around you, you treat yourself better than usual; this allows you to feel more.
By doing the visual inventory, you learn to love yourself more, becoming more turned on to yourself and gaining new sex appeal. Feel free to do whatever you can think of that feels good. Check out touching yourself with different speeds and different pressures.
This is your time to research the entire gamut of possible sensations. Find out what you like best.
Remember that the immediate goal is to feel pleasure, not to put yourself under stress or to imagine that you have to feel "a certain amount" or else feel like you've lost. The ultimate goal may be to have a long and intense orgasm, but the best way to get there is with small, approving steps.
Drs. Vera and Steve Bodansky have been students and teachers of sensuality and relationships for over 25 years. Their workshops are based on their expertise in the field of extended orgasm and they have trained hundreds of men and women in the practice of EMO. Vera and steve have been married since 1983 and have been working together exclusively since that time.
This book excerpt was condensed from the original. To read the full passage, check out their book The Illustrated Guide to Extended Massive Orgasm. For more information or to contact them, visit www.extendedmassiveorgasm.com.
Having a fat day? Lay on your back and work it in good old (so good!) missionary position, says relationship expert Laurel House. When you're on your back, your fat all falls down onto the bed, pulling back from your thighs, stomach, and face. Your stomach flattens, your thighs seem slimmer, and your face seems slightly nipped and tucked!
Fear that missionary is boring? Change it up by squeezing your thighs together and have your man straddle you, says House. By squeezing your thighs together you are internally tightening your muscles and wrapping yourself around him. Because your thighs are pressed together, you are creating an external tightening so that with each thrust your man makes, he will love the squeeze between your legs.
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