For a little while, I was dating one guy in particular. He never made it into the blog because I wanted to see where the whole thing was going first. Eventually it played itself out—although we had a lot of fun together, the spark and the passion were missing. Maybe we can salvage a friendship, or maybe I’ll never see him again. In any case, it was a nice distraction while it lasted.
That word—distraction—has shown up a lot in my life lately. Immediately after my relationship with Alex ended, all I wanted was something to take my mind off the debacle. I wanted to move on. So I relocated to New York City, found a new job, a new social life, new friends, a new apartment—I think the only way I could have revamped my life more is if I had enlisted the Extreme Makeover: Home Edition crew, but honestly, Ty Pennington’s over-the-top energy scares me.
All these new starts offered a wonderful distraction for a while, but now that I’m settling into my new life, the only thing I have to focus on is the thing I probably should have looked at first: myself. I need to learn how to be alone again, and that can be scary. It’s much harder to focus on self-development than it is to focus on developing something with someone else. I think that’s why so many people jump from relationship to relationship without stopping to take a breath. Why face the sting of self-reflection when you can turn your attention to someone else?
Since Alex and I broke up, I’ve done the self-examination thing to a point. But with so many distractions, I have yet to give it my full, undivided attention. I won’t lie—the distractions have been nice. The task of creating a life for myself is daunting, to say the least. I don’t really know where to start, and it’s been a relief to have other things to focus my attention on.
But now that I’m settling into my new life and my romantic interest has run its course, I’m back to square one (again). I know eventually another distraction will come along, whether it’s in the form of a man, or a project at work, or a new hobby—who knows. But before I jump headfirst into the next diversion, I think I’d really like to take some time for myself.