Is Divorce a Sin?

Yet, despite this widespread acceptance of divorce many Christians find themselves at odds with their church over their decision. Harris recalls her experience: "In the church of over 200 people I felt very supported by all but two people.  I had the wife of a church leader call me and grill me for 15 minutes regarding my reasons for filing for divorce. I barely knew this person and certainly didn't feel the need to justify my situation to her (although I did offer an explanation to the church leaders). By the time I got off the phone she had me crying hysterically and feeling very judged."

In 1999, singer Amy Grant divorced her husband of 16 years. After their split, many Christians stopped listening to her music and questioned her faith. Some Christian radio stations stopped playing her music and a few Christian bookstores refused to sell her CDs. In a 2000 interview with CCM magazine, Grant stated, "Go look in a mirror and everything that's black and ugly about you, it's the same about me. That's what Jesus died for."

Today, as she looks back on that period of her life, Grant has come to terms with her religion and divorce. In a 2003, interview with ChristianMusicToday.com, Grant states, "Whenever I thought I was being dealt with unjustly, I would think, Some day, this is all going to play out in heaven, and everybody will see the full picture, and it won't even matter. That was always my thought process, just doing the things I felt I needed to do, and letting other people do what they felt they needed to do."

In a recent editorial in the Forth Worth Star Telegram, Christina Wicker author of The Fall of the Evangelical Nation: The Surprising Crisis Inside the Church, points to this rift in the church as a sign of religious growing pains. She writes, What's clear is that people in the pews are taking back their faith, wresting it from leaders who helped sell the idea that only the most fundamentalist brands of Christian belief could succeed and that their words alone represented that belief."

This intricate power play between individuals and the institution of religion isn't easy, and underscores the deeply personal element of faith. Wendy Rose, who divorced her husband 10 years ago, has come to terms with her decision in a way that falls outside of the scriptures and is deeply embedded in her idea of God and faith. "I had to believe," says Rose, "that God saw what I went through behind closed doors and it's between me and him when the time comes."

Whether this attitude is indicative of a reformation is hard to say, but at least no one is beheading anyone to get there.