Rappers Remy Ma & Papoose have their jail wedding postponed.
Stop us if you heard this one. OK, a rapper (we'll call her Remy Ma) shoots a friend in the stomach over an argument involving $3,000 in cash, faces a possible sentence of 25 years in the clink, and her boyfriend (who we can call Papoose) decides to marry her anyway. So, Rikers Island was set for the wedding of the century.
And now the NY Post is reporting a new wrinkle in this tale. Evidently Papoose (nee Shamele Mackie) was caught sneaking a universal handcuff key on a visit to Remy Ma (ah, the file in the birthday cake, the guards never saw that coming). He was summarily kicked off the island and the wedding was put on hold. The Grammy-nominated Ma was hoping to get hitched before her sentencing today (she got 8 years). The Post also reports that any hopes for leniency on the sentencing have been hampered by Remy's jailhouse radio interviews and Papoose possibly harassing a witness.
Hmm. We're sure that this will have a happy ending, somehow. Seriously, who among us hasn't drunkenly shot a friend in the stomach over a wad of cash, sort of felt bad about it, got our friends to intimidate witnesses, blasted the corrections system on Hot 97, tried to get married, and then throw yourself at the mercy of the court at the last minute. If we've heard this story once, we've heard it a million times. It's too bad that the Old Dirty Bastard has passed, he'd figure something out.
We wonder if the King Of Mixed Tapes (Papoose's self-attributed moniker) is going to hang out after Ma's 8 years. If conjugal visits are a real thing, it could work out. Cue Whitney Houston singing the theme to The Bodyguard.