It's over. You're divorced and the reality is slowing sinking in. But instead of feeling relief you feel like you've leapt into an abyss. Where do you go? What do you do? iVillage offers nine steps to jumpstarting your life after a divorce, they include: reconnecting with friends and family, staying healthy and active, reconnect with yourself and going back to school.
You can choose a quick fix—get a new look, travel somewhere you've never been, or trade in the family van for a hot new sportscar—or long-term enrichment—getting in touch with yourself as a person, participating in personal growth seminars, or going back to school. A quick fix isn't necessarily "a wrong choice, but it may not be sufficient," cautions Dr. Marilyn Miller, a psychologist in private practice in Toronto. "People need to develop a healthy relationship with themselves, and part of doing that is being able to nurture themselves. A quick fix may only satisfy them for a short period," she explains.
Whether you pursue "immediate gratification" or long-term enrichment, what you'll learn from the experience is like "a tool in a tool box," says Sandra Norris, a psychotherapist and associate of the Mind-Body Health Centre in Toronto. "You'll use that tool again. It's a reminder of what was done to reduce stress. [The experience] never leaves the brain."
Personally, we think sitting in our pajamas gorging on chicken nuggets, watching the entire seven seasons of the Gilmore Girls and singing to the plaintive wails of Celine Dion is always good for what ails you, but apparently iVillage doesn't agree. But there are a lot of ways to survive your post-divorce hangover just get out there and start looking.