Support in a marriage is not a nice 50/50 split. Some days you are giving your all while your spouse is giving nothing and other days you are taking, offering nothing. After that night I tried to support Dave wholly—giving without taking. It was hard, but I never felt resentment. I knew that soon it would be my turn to give zero. And it was.

Dave’s dad died of cancer in May. In July, my sisters, who were on their way from Florida to visit us in Iowa, were in a horrible car crash. While one sister walked away from the crash with a sprained back, the other spent four months at our house learning to walk again. I had to play mother, nurturer, consoler, chauffer and caretaker. I felt inadequate and afraid. My sister was often withdrawn, but my experience with Dave taught me not to take it personally. Instead of getting angry, I would ask her "What’s up?" and give her a hug. She needed me to support her, and I needed Dave to support me. At night, it was my turn to cry.

When November came, my sister was finally able to go home. She could walk but she would never regain full mobility. It was hard seeing her, only 18, hobbling like an old man. When Dave and I came home, we went to bed and fell asleep holding one another and crying. Now I stood in front of him, the socks still in my hand. <i>What was going on?</i> Why was I so angry?

"It’s just, you didn’t used to do this," I said, "It’s like you’re taking me for granted."

"Well, maybe they’ve been there, you just never noticed them before," he said.

We have been through so much together. I let the socks fall onto the couch. I could pick them up later. If they weren’t important before, they weren’t that important now. I let my anger go. That night, as we went upstairs, Dave grabbed his socks and threw them down the laundry chute. I should have trusted him to do his part.