My Boyfriend Cheated On Me... With A Man
What happens when your boyfriend is gay, and you're part of his in-the-closet plan?
What? Was Mike really asking me to be his beard? This had to be a joke. I went numb. No, no, no. I stood up, gathered my things, and left without saying a word. I couldn’t muster the sentences to react to Mike's treachery and narcissism, my anger and confusion.
The guy I had had a crush on for four years and finally began dating was never really attracted to me. I went into isolation. I didn't see Mike for a few weeks. I was embarrassed to explain the situation to anyone other than my closest friends.
After a few months, it became one of the scenarios I could summarize in a few short sentences: "My ex-boyfriend was a closeted gay guy who tried to stay straight by dating me." Or "My ex was cheating on me the entire time we were dating—with another man."
Aside from the health issues (luckily, we were always safe), my feelings suffered the worst damage. Did I fit the "happy family" scenario? Was I the type, years from now, to roll over while he snuck out to be with his lover? I can tell you right now, that's a big, fat "no."
Mike and I have since spoken and are now superficially friendly with one another. He graduated from med school and chose to specialize in cosmetic surgery. Fitting, as he's so consumed with appearances.
As told to Maureen Dempsey
Discussion
Wow! I'm actually shocked by this guy. This is much worse than just cheating on your girlfriend (although that is bad enough anyway.) This guy was actually planning to use you and lie to you pretty much forever.
I know life isn't perfect yet, but times have gotten so much better in America that I just don't think there's any excuse for this kind of behavior now. I have known many people who were incredibly brave and came out in the past. They were honest. They weren't using others. This guy doesn't deserve the rights they got him.
I find this whole article slightly offensive and the storyteller a little more than homophobic.
Things like: "Luckily, we were always safe" and "Fitting, as he's so consumed with appearances."
She seems more insulted because he was gay than the fact he lied to her the entire time.
I don't agree. I think the "luckily, we were always safe" comment is talking about how he was sleeping with other people while they were sleeping together and lying about it. If my SO was sleeping around with other people, men or women, I'd be afraid of his choices affecting me too.
And the consumed with appearances comment isn't homophobic either. Instead, I think the author is talking about how she was used as this guy's front for so long. I think she'd say the same thing if he'd been using her as a front for his illicit affair with another woman.
And while I don't agree that she seems more insulted about him being gay, I do think it adds some insult to the injury to find out that not only is your SO cheating on you, but he was never attracted to you in the first place.
I sum, I don't buy the homophobia argument.
I think anybody whose partner cheats should be concerned about STDs, especially if their partner's lover starts dating.
In this case, I think she's saying the guy is concerned with appearances because he wants to cover up his sexuality. It's a fair insult and he deserves it and worse.
Hey, this is a problem, for sure. If a woman can't get her boyfriend to open up, it is because she has alienated him by her first reactions when the edges of these topics are mentioned. Problem is, most women have their mouths in top gear while their brains are still in neutral, and an agenda that only includes the guy while she is getting everything she wants.
Wake up! Western "culture" brutalises boys from birth, straight-jacketing them into expectations of others. Expectations of working to support a woman all his life, taking the responsibility for making the woman in his life happy, while she mouths off about what she wants without ever considering that her spouse is anything more than a dray horse, there to carry whatever load she decides, and everything he does is not for his happiness, but hers.
The men who truly escape this drudgery are the guys who stay with guys. I am not talking about the hairdresser crowd. I am talking about the athletic, outbound achievers who are men with men. They can truly share their lives.
Yes, I like real honesty, and I think if guys would just all come out of the closet, they would be amazed by who else is emerging.
OH come on now, you make it sound as if all boys are gay from birth and the only thing that keeps them from coming out of the closet is "straigh-jacketing them into expectations of others".
I'm not really sure where you have been hiding, A recent Bureau of Labor StatisticsBureau of Labor Statistics (BLS) reported one out of every four dual-career couples has the wife making more than the husband
As a matter of fact, a recent study of 51,233 married couples show that more than 55% of the wives also worked. (http://74.125.45.132/custom?q=cache:RrLoMZ3Y5SsJ:www.bls.gov/opub/mlr/19...) How does that translates into a man having to support a woman all of his life? Everybody has an opinion and you are allowed yours, but it would be more believable it you had something other than just YOUR biased observations to back it up.
I'm not trying to be rude to you, but your comments were offensive to me... A married female who has been in the workforce for 22 years....and supported herself and a small child for 10 of those years with NO support from a dray horse.
YES ! IT happened to me! After 18 yrs of marriage him lying the whole time. He said it was the blood pressure meds, I belived in IN SICKNESS and HEALTH ! But my gut told me different but i didnt listen, he finally gave me a std that would not be cured. So now he is Divorcing me so i loose my home,husband and medical insurance. BEWARE he will be looking for another victim !! He works at Terex Inc. Pottsboro Texas
