One day I arrived at Mike's apartment to find Mike and Ryan in a screaming match. When I interrupted, Mike wanted to end the conversation but Ryan continued to egg Mike on, asking him to "let her know what’s really going on." After half-an-hour of calming Mike down, he finally explained: He and Ryan were lovers. The two of them had been secretly dating since our freshman year of college and dating women to cover it up. Poll: Would You Date a Bisexual man?
They had planned to go to the same med school, live together and be together permanently. And where did I fit into this equation? Mike and Ryan planned on finding and marrying suitable female partners, but always living in the same city or town—so they could continue their private relationship.
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Ryan eventually got tired of the charade and began openly dating other men. This sparked jealousy and anger between the two. Mike said there was no reason not to salvage the original plan. 9 Signs He's Gay
What? Was Mike really asking me to be his beard? This had to be a joke. I went numb. No, no, no. I stood up, gathered my things, and left without saying a word. I couldn’t muster the sentences to react to Mike's treachery and narcissism, my anger and confusion.
The guy I had had a crush on for four years and finally began dating was never really attracted to me. I went into isolation. I didn't see Mike for a few weeks. I was embarrassed to explain the situation to anyone other than my closest friends.
After a few months, it became one of the scenarios I could summarize in a few short sentences: "My ex-boyfriend was a closeted gay guy who tried to stay straight by dating me." Or "My ex was cheating on me the entire time we were dating—with another man."
Aside from the health issues (luckily, we were always safe), my feelings suffered the worst damage. Did I fit the "happy family" scenario? Was I the type, years from now, to roll over while he snuck out to be with his lover? I can tell you right now, that's a big, fat "no."
Mike and I have since spoken and are now superficially friendly with one another. He graduated from med school and chose to specialize in cosmetic surgery. Fitting, as he's so consumed with appearances.
As told to Maureen Dempsey
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