Inside An NYC Sex Club

Could a monogamous couple have a good time at your party?

KB: Oh, a lot of them do!

SM: The percentage of people who go all the way at our parties is probably in the minority in relation to the amount people who are really there because they find our atmosphere titillating and sexy. Most of the couples who attend don't have sex with anyone other than themselves—but our parties are great for giving people things to talk about. It's sort of like foreplay.

What would you tell someone who is nervous about going to an event?

KB: Go with a friend. Maybe even a male friend, which may have its own issues, but it could help.

What about a couple that's nervous?

KB: I'd encourage them to express those fears in the screening. There's not much we can say other than "Don't worry". They have to set their own boundaries when they come to the party. Our party isn't the type where you'd have to strip down to your underwear at midnight—one of the big parties in New York does that—and we're mostly geared towards people's comfort levels. Anything goes.

SM: You don't want to negotiate things on-site because issues will come up. You want to be sure your boundaries are clear before you go to this type of party, because re-negotiating your boundaries in the moment is probably not a good idea. People can get into doing things that they weren't quite ready to do.

Are there boundaries that you set about what can't happen at the party?

SM: Unattended men cannot go into the play spaces by themselves.

Why is that?

SM: I think the term in the scene is "wankers"—people who are stroking off watching other people.

KB: We don't think that would make people in our scene comfortable.

What do you want couples to get out of this party?

SM: One of the hopes—and what we actually seem to be doing—is that couples fall back in love with one another. They're recharging their relationships. They're having a dialogue about something that is beautiful and healing and phenomenal, which is sexuality. That sexuality may never include other people getting involved, but at least they're talking about it. At least they're seeing each other with fresh eyes. When done well, responsibly and patiently it can be one of the best therapies for couples who are struggling.

KB: We both believe that 90% of the messages you hear in society about how relationships are supposed to be, are false. We're trying to get people to think for themselves about what sex is supposed to mean in their lives, not what Cosmo says, or what Republicans say.

SM: Or what religion says.

KB: (Laughs) Yeah, there can be a lot wrong there!

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