Do Successful Women Intimidate Men?
Are smart, successful women intimidating? We asked men what they think.
But other men aren't so quick to deny being intimidated. Jesse, a 26 year-old seminary student living in California, says, "Honestly, when it comes down to it, all men have a little bit of both inside them, simply because of the historical dominance of males in society. Men inherit milllennia years of social and hierarchical dominance and either knowingly or unknowingly have an irrational fear of losing their 'territory.'"
Jon Doane, 30, agrees. He admits he found his wife intimidating when they first met. "She is smart and kind," says Jon, "but [the intimidation] wasn't her issue, it was mine."
For many men like Jon, the power politics of intimidation also have sexual connotations. "As a younger single man, I was intimidated by the women I was attracted to; the more sexually attracted I was, the more intimidated I felt," says Bruce Alexander, 37. "They had the power to grant or deny my romantic desires and, whether they knew it or not, they wielded that power. I believe it was a combination of a lack of self-confidence on my part and the natural forces inherent in sexual relationships.
And for some, the answer is not so simple. "The real problem may be considering women who are unmarried to be failures," says Mark Anderson, 42. "We don't usually think of unmarried guys in this way, if their lives are going well otherwise. Especially if they are very successful in other ways.
Yet, while there are no clear answers, it is evident that as society grows and changes the issue of how men and women interact is an ever evolving and complicated one. Women today lead richer lives and settle down for love and companionship, rather than out of social pressure or economic necessity.
And the good news is, some men find this to be a good thing. Says Christopherson, "There are many men who are attracted (both sexually and socially) to strong, powerful and/or influential women. They see these traits as contributing to the complexity of that woman's character and personality."
And he's right. According to Why Smart Men Marry Smart Women, 2005 Current Population Survey data shows, "Successful women in their 30s have options—and [women] in their late 30s are significantly more likely to walk down the aisle than their less accomplished sisters."
So there are good guys out there, now it's just a matter of finding them.
Discussion
Men are not afraid of successful women. They do however have much experience with and prepare for abuse toward them by society, including women who may perceive men to be weak in some way. The nineteenth century belief Males should be strong allows aggression toward Males who appear weak. Society provides love, honor, respect, (the essentials of self-worth only on condition of sufficient achievement, money, power, and status. Women, due to the nineteenth century belief woman should be protected are given love, honor, and respect simply for being women. The nineteen century belief women should be protected allows for much mental, emotional, social support to appear to mature faster than Males. By differential treatment Females are surging ahead. In addition, this overprotection by society also allows women to give verbal, silent abuse, and hollow kindness or patronization with impunity. The combination of allowed aggressions upon Males who appear weak in some way, lack of support for Males, more than adequate support for Females, and the protected freedoms of various allowed verbal abuse make a Male who appears weak in some way quite vulnerable to more abuse from successful women and more also from society.
If you are intimidated by anyone, then it is your problem - not theirs. That means that there is some insecurity lurking inside of your psyche that you and only you can fix. We are all mirrors of each other.
I think any man who truly uses the "intimidation" factor about a woman is suffering from insecurities galore.
What woman in her sane mind would want to be with an insecure guy?
Men who use this as a tactic to get out of a possible relationship or psyche themselves out before even starting one with a woman are living in their own fears. They have issues.
And once a man admits that he is intimidated by a woman, whoa! what a turn off . That means he is judging her. And who want to live being judged by someone? That's not love! How about a little acceptance?
I've been told I am too ambitious, too high-maintenance, too hard to keep up with and the list goes on...
Well, that's their loss! Those morons lost my attention, affection, generosity, warmth, caring, compassion, empathy, and unconditional love.
What did I lose? Zero! My life got better.
~Dana
I agree with Joe Woods, I think it has less to do with intimidation, as it does in being number one in someone else's life.
We all want to be number one in our mates life. If you are going to school, running marathons, running a demanding successful business, I would have to wonder, where is there room for a mate to be number one in your life?
I made this mistake with the man of my dreams. I worked myself to the bone, and in my mind I was doing it for us, but it all took away from him, and our time together. Not to mention the energy of making the time spend on him alone, and our time, was near depleted by the time I got around to him. He felt my work meant more to me than he did. He didn't feel he was number one in my life.
Best Wishes
http://openyourhearttothelove.blogspot.com
this is totally out of whack on both sides. ok lets start with women. I am a women and i beleive and know for a fact, women in power are the worst. i have worked with high powered women and found them to present an attitude and demeanor that can be intimidating. i was never intimidated by them, but i felt a sense of resentment from them. Women have come so far and we have let that go to our heads. who can we blame? Society plagues our with all this women independence crap and all the men bashing anthems don't help out. women are always scared that someone is trying to take something from them. they do this to other women and especially men. ok so, your smart, beautiful, great career, what are you doing with all of this, are you opening yourself up to available men, traditionally or are you flauting your success, picking up the check at dinner, putting your work and your needs above the men you date. try this. meet a guy in a social setting, forget about what you do or where you live or where he works or lives, get to know his likes, his dislikes, his wants, don't judge, play a reverse role in your head, pretend he's the high powered attorney if that's what you are and he is not.
now on the other hand, men, please! if you find a woman who can handle her own, and maybe is in a better phase in life, it's ok to take a back seat. this is the type of woman you want to run through life with. her knowledge will challenge you and make you a better person. if you are intimidated by her, let her know, when he lets you know ladies, tone it down. Men so what your a nurse and she is an attorney, you rent and apartment she owns the penthouse. confidence is key, be a man about it.
lets all stop making excuses.
