Portrait of an Open Marriage. Take Two.
A husband and a girlfriend? An unconventional arrangement that works.
>
Sound boring? It is. Wonderfully, perfectly, normally boring. I don't regret for a second the way things were before Jemma, and I would never be so presumptuous as to suggest I know the paths my life might take in the future. But that's just it. Life is a journey. And as far as my sexuality goes, that journey has included so many things from monogamy to open marriage to polyamory and from heterosexuality to bisexuality. It's all a spectrum as far as I can tell, gender, sexuality, relationships, love. We all fit somewhere on it with very few of us at either end. It isn't always easy to choose that gray area in between. But, for me, it has always been worth it. What's the point of living an unexamined life?
So, it only makes sense to me that some people would choose monogamy and others open relationships where only sex is involved and others polyamorous relationships where love plays a role as well. Science tells us that we're not a monogamous species. (See David Barash's The Myth of Monogamy if you want an expert's take.) Choosing non-monogamy seems to me just as valid as choosing monogamy. You know, I wouldn't dare prescribe my lifestyle or any lifestyle for that matter to anyone else. I only know what works for me, for now.
I have a husband and a girlfriend and I have plenty of love to give them both and I can say without a doubt that they both have plenty of love for me.
Jenny Block writes for a number of regional and national publications, including the Dallas Morning News and American Way. She also blogs regularly for huffingtonpost.com. Her essay "On Being Barbie" appeared in the anthology It's a Girl: Women Writers on Raising Daughters and her essay "Portrait of an Open Marriage," originally published in Tango magazine, is scheduled to appear in Rebecca Walker's upcoming anthology Walk This Way: Introducing the New American Family in the Fall of 2008. Her new book, Open: Love, Sex, and Life in an Open Marriage is due out June 1 from Seal Press.
Discussion
This reads like "Letters to Penthouse." She's really pinned the BS meter this time. The characters are just too perfect. Newspaper reporter with assignments that very with the common thread being she can meet another beautiful lesbian. AT best. like Letters to Penthouse, these are all composite characters
Stevo, on the contrary, I think you don't know what you are talking about. It is really had to say these are the people I love, and even if I’ve lost friends over it, I still love them, and I think that’s right. So, I want to tell you about it. So you understand. But, I don't think you can understand that it is hard until you’ve been the target of slurs, until you’ve lost friends over who you love. Until you know that someone out there hates you, not for anything about you, but just because you are and you love.
Yes, indeed thank you for writing about this. I really liked this article on you progestin from open marriage to polyamory. It puts you in a fuller context and resonates with me. (Of course, I started out polyamorus, so, that’s clearly what makes sense to me.) Keep being brave!
Anita, you really don't understand people like Jenny at all. It isnt a matter of her having courage to tell us her story, she feels that it is OUR obligation to know about what goes on in HER life. As though open marriage is some sort of incredibly insightful thing that she alone has realized and we must know. Typical narcissitic b.s. Her thoughts can be summed up simply as "Sex with one person is nice, so sex with more must be better." If those thoughts warranted a PBS special, then you would have to give my whole senoir class in college one as well.
Thank you for sharing your story. I struggle with monogamy, and daydream of a healthy polyamorous relationship. I am a bisexual woman in a 6-year relationship with a woman, desiring to reconnect with men and still maintain my primary relationship. Perhaps there's hope yet...
Thanks Jenny! I read your latest article and laughed, cried, and cheered all within three minutes. I am polyamorous, married, and have a boyfriend-- both of whom I love and adore dearly. We sometimes ask ourselves, how can we do this? Is there enough to go around? It takes work, no doubt. But all good relationships take work and the three of us JOYFULLY undertake the work. Thanks again! I can't wait for your book.
My question to other polyamorous people out there is, how many people in your life know this about you all? We struggle with the social ramifications of this on our family. Will other kids' families shun our kids because of our choices? I know it shouldn't matter. But it does when your son's best friend's family decides it's better to play with the monogamous family next door. Any insight appreciated.
Hey Jenny! It was great fun to learn more about your family and relationships. Every point you make about polyamory and polyamorous relationships is right on. I know sometimes it isn't easy being so public on such personal issues. People can be very mean-spirited when they comment on polyamory. I have my theories about why that is, and I think it has something to do with the fact that the very idea worries them as to whether their own spouse might think it's a good idea. Bottom line is that there are really no valid arguments against polyamory, and many good ones for it.
How does Jemma feel about being (at least in the eyes of the world) not your "main" relationship? I am in a similar situation and it is very hard because my relationship with my girlfriend is just as valid and important to me as my relationship with my husband. But just the fact that he is my "husband" and she is not my "wife" makes it feel like an imbalance. How do you make sure that Jemma doesn't feel like a second class citizen in your life?
Yay! I am so happy to read Take Two. Something tells me there are more stories for you to tell, Jenny. Thanks for being an honest and thoughtful voice for our community!
xoxo~Sadie
confessionsfrommyopenmarriage.blogspot.com/
