Spencer Pratt: Most Guys Are Jerks

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Spencer Pratt: Most Guys Are Jerks
The villain of The Hills let's a reticent gal know that it's OK to wait.

Spencer PrattAs you may remember Radar has hired The Hills’ Spencer Pratt for a relationship advice column. Last time around, he told a woman that wetting the bed is not excusable. This time, a woman who was burned in prior relationships wants to put the brakes on with her new guy, physically.

Spencer’s advice is pretty good: men are poonhounds, except for the ones that aren’t. And that taking it slow, intercourse-wise, is a good idea, except when you want to go ahead and do it. We suppose, there’s wisdom in his Aristotelian self-debate. Not all guys are poonhounds and you should really only have sex when you feel like it. Fair enough, but how do you know if this current guy is a jerk? And conversely, how does he know that you will want to have sex with him one day? Uh, how about you have a nice honest chat, here are the two possible outcomes.

VERSION 1

YOU: Listen, Rick, I really like you
RICK: I like you too.
YOU: That’s great. These past few weeks have been great, but there’s something I have to tell you.
RICK: Are you okay?
YOU: I’m fine, I’ve just been burned by the last few guys that I’ve dated and want to take things slow with you.
RICK: Is that all? I thought you were going to say that you had a husband that was about to get out of jail. You let me know when you’re ready and we’ll take it slow.
YOU: Thank you so much, Rick. I thought you’d be so mad at me.
RICK: What am I some kind of reality TV dingus?

END SCENE

VERSION 2

YOU: Listen, Rick, I really like you
RICK: I’m pretty awesome.
YOU: I’ve got something to tell you.
RICK: Make it quick, halftime’s almost over.
YOU: OK. I’ve really been burned in the last few relationships that I’ve had and I want to take things slow.
RICK: Whatever. We can still sleep with other people.
YOU: Know, I mean I want to wait to get intimate.
RICK: Uh, this is the third date, so unless you want to rewrite the dating rules, we’re doing it or we’re done.
YOU: I see.

END SCENE

That wasn't so tough, was it? Now everyone's on the same page.

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