Ah yes, The Hills have answers.
Quick confession: We’ve never watched The Hills or its predecessor, Laguna Beach. We’re not ‘too cool’ for it (we loved their fictional progenitor The OC, bitch), we just know that we’d be sucked in and never escape. We do sometimes pretend that we watch it to feel in the loop, “No, I can’t believe Jason Wahler said that. What a jerk, right?” And we’ll even go so far as to ‘spot’ LC or LC-lookalikes when we’re walking around. Confession over.
That’s all well and good, we figured despite their albums, side projects, and tabloid mania that this was a two-trick pony and would be subjugated to the waste-bin of pop culture any day now. But that’s not happening, case-in-point; Spencer Pratt (the villain of The Hills) has his own column on the pop culture site Radar (is this the rubbish bin of pop culture?). Yeah, “whaaa?” is the correct reaction. And “who would take advice from that pompous dingus?” is also a reasonable question. But this gag druckspalte aufgabe (German for stunt column assignment) could really work. His first piece of advice was to a girl that got drunk, peed the bed, and dashed before the guy woke up. His advice was to A) go to AA; B) not to count on a call back; C) apologize; and D) buy new sheets. Uh, we hate to say this but, pretty decent advice. Is he just misunderstood (possibly misremembered and/ or misunderestimated) like JR Ewing? Our advice in that scenario would have involved spilling a bit of water in the guy's sector and then leaving a note about how disgusted you were that he peed the bed. The only chance of winning that scenario is being the first one to wake up. Sorry, love is a battlefield. And probably getting checked out for incontinence and/or alcohol problems would be a good idea, because this fix only works once.